


Covered in the Paint of a Blooming Flowers

by InsomniaMagic



Series: The Soul Should Always Be Open Wide [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, Free! Eternal Summer, Gou Matsuoka - Freeform, KuroKen - Freeform, M/M, Miya Twins, No Smut, daishou suguru - Freeform, glimpse of rinharu, haru nanase - Freeform, kenma - helps to heal, kuroo - heartbroken, oikawa tooru - Freeform, prince of stride characters, rin matsuoka - Freeform, sousuke yamazaki - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 01:34:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13066380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsomniaMagic/pseuds/InsomniaMagic
Summary: It is Kenma´s turn to help Kuroo find a way, to save him from his own hopelesness, to help him believe again. At least one more time would be enough, because Kenma is here to never let him go.This Life of mine has shattered.This Earth brought me to the ground.My soul has believed you were the one.What do you do, when your beliefs get broken?How do you manage, when you give everything,But get nothing back?Where do you go, if the place you start to call home leaves you alone?Then I saw him, I felt him, my soul has shifted.It saw a glimpse of hope, glimpse of a resurrection.





	1. KINGDOM KEY

**Author's Note:**

> 2nd part of this universe, so some points upfront
> 
> 1, If you are here only for the story of Kuroo and Kenma, dive right in  
> 2, There is only one thing I consider a spoiler, if you plan to read the BokuAka story (but I don´t think it ruins the experience)  
> 3, Also, there are smaller parts connecting both timelines, which will not ruin the story for you, if you´ll read one without the other, they simply paint the bigger picture of this all.  
> 4, If you are reading only this part and there is some plot point not making sense to you, it might be connected to the BokuAka story, so don´t hesitate to ask in comments, or on tumblr, if you are not planning to read that. I don´t think that will happen, but one can never be sure :)  
> 5, If I missed any important tags, let me know, I am not sure what to do with characters not in Haikyuu (because I am sucker for cameos and crossovers from other sport anime I have seen :) )

This Life of mine has shattered.

This Earth brought me to the ground.

My soul has believed you were the one.

What do you do, when your beliefs get broken?

How do you manage, when you give everything,

But get nothing back?

Where do you go, if the place you start to call home leaves you alone?

 

Then I saw him, I felt him, my soul has shifted.

It saw a glimpse of hope, glimpse of a resurrection.

But is it worth it?

Tell me, please, should I try?

Should I believe one more time?

His words touched me,

His eyes helped me to get back up,

It was his presence that held my heart together,

His soul whispered to mine - there is always some form of love.

 

I need nothing in return, his silence says.

Just be happy,

His unsure smile yells.

Be happy and satisfied,

With me walking along you, side by side.

 

And my soul opens wide.

 

* * *

 

 

 

His eyes watched the flowers fall down on the cold hard pavement. Heavy rain buried them under its wetness, Kuroo Tetrusou heard his hard break into unrecognizable pieces. The hand holding his phone was shaking in a hasty manner, warning him of incoming pain.

Drip, drip, drip.

The surrounding traffic got silent. His ears stopped working, eyes seeing only the intruding light of cars, lamp posts and that damned rain. Why can´t you stop for a while? Always, everywhere… he tried to move, but legs didn´t listen. He wanted to scream, his lips were glued together, afraid of tears that were burning in his eyes.

Not like this, he thought. Not like this.

Finally, he moved, just a bit.

Someone bumped into him, without Kuroo noticing.

 

* * *

 

 

And when you see me, you will know.

When we meet, it will be a go.

And when I embrace you, I might fall.

When we kiss, my world will be yours.

 

There is a healing to be had,

Let us help you, so you may move ahead.

We will patch you up,

If you let us try,

We are here forever, by your side.

 

The time is here,

Flowers are blooming,

I am here,

Let´s start the healing.

 

* * *

 

 

He didn´t see me, thought the long haired man running away from the rain. His feet stopped, red hoodie covering him against the drops falling into his face. “He doesn´t really see me.” This never happened before. Not even once, remembering handful of times that Kozume Kenma and Kuroo Tetsurou met by a freakish accident.

Today was the same, but different.

Kenma Kozume went unnoticed, by the man approaching him always first - grinning, full of confidence, filled with never ending happiness and glee in his eyes.

Today wasn´t the same. Today, his whole being was terrifyingly beaten by the emotions he wasn´t trying to hide.

Something inside of Kozume Kenma shifted. With that, Kenma frowned, because of resurfacing memories of nothing, and everything.

 

 

_The first meeting happened at the library. Kenma looked for a piece of quiet with the game in his hands and annoying homework hidden in the backpack. Yeah, high school was really annoying, especially with these stupid essays they had to write every week._

_Kenma let his head lay down on the table like a cat, waiting for some kind of miracle, praying, that the essay will write itself without any effort needed._

_“Um… are you okay?” asked a deep, familiar voice._

_“No,” Kenma mumbled in annoyance. “I am dead, please, don´t come back later.”_

_“Oh, feisty, I see.” The opposite of Kenma´s wish happened. The man sat down in front of him, poking his shoulder like they knew each other. “Need any help?”_

_Kenma didn´t move, Kenma didn´t care. “Don´t you have your own homework? And you don´t even kno…”_

_“I know you. We are from the same high school. Gosh, you really don´t remember me? We take the same bus.” Kenma still didn´t move, so the man just sighed. “Shame. We live on the same street, but on the opposite sides.”_

_That made Kenma look up, with his chin staying on the table. “Okay.”_

_Man with the hair looking like he put wet fingers in the socket gasped in a pretended shock. Then the realization came like a truck from behind his back. “So you really never noticed me.”_

_“Sorry.” Kenma was telling the truth, although part of the man was familiar to him, especially his voice. He tried to remember seeing him, but simply didn´t. At least he understood why the man acted so casual around him, not that Kenma minded._

_They kept looking at each other, making Kenma more nervous with every second passed. He made a decision to lay back down._

 

_Should I introduce myself? Kuroo thought in a persisting disbelief. Of course, he knew Kenma, he was absolutely honest about everything he said, he just… didn´t know him. And, he liked him a bit. Kuroo leaned back, taking out his books and notepads. As he started writing, peaking at Kenma who obviously dozed off, he couldn´t help but understand._

_Kuroo also didn´t notice him properly at first. Not, until he changed the color of his hair from dark to blonde. Well, doesn´t matter now. Or does it? He watched him carefully, long hair falling into his face. Kuroo fought the urge to move them away, or even worse, to play with them, braid them, even put flowers in them._

_With his mind wandering into the forbidden places, Kenma´s head shot up. “Were you laughing?”_

_“No?” answered Kuroo, confused. Was he laughing? “I just… remembered something, sorry for waking you up.”_

_Kenma shook his head. “Nah. I should work.”_

_“Um…” Kuroo hesitated. “Do you… do you need any help?” That was the moment Kenma found the key to Kuroo´s heart. Those big, wide golden eyes opened him like a book._

_“Would you?” he said in a surprised gasp._

_Kuroo shrugged. “Why not? I am almost done.” He wasn´t, but Kenma didn´t need to know that._

_“Thank you.”_

 

 

But Kenma knew.

 

_Unfortunately for Kuroo, it was their first and last meeting as high schoolers and it was fun while it lasted. The conversation with Kenma went nowhere, he was too deep into his game, or thoughts. Since the school year was getting close to the graduation, Kuroo didn´t try to contact him._

_There was no point to start up something without the future in sight._

_Kenma also didn´t try to reach to him again, which was enough of a sign for both of them._

 

 

Until their second meeting.

 

 

_Kuroo could not believe his eyes. “This really is a peculiar coincidence.” He aligned his steps with Kenma´s slower progress, hiking the mountain as a part of their university studies, otherwise called - how to get enough credits without too much studying, so you can continue into the next year._

_“Huh?” Kenma asked, thoroughly exhausted._

_“Really?” Kuroo watched him, dumbfounded, making sure his ears were working properly. “You don´t remember me. Still. I have…” written an essay for you, years ago. “Damn, you are savage,” he muttered under his breath. “How is this possible?” This question was targeted towards someone else._

_Kai, his high school friend walked right behind him. “You are really smitten with him, aren´t you? Even after all this time.” Not a question, simple fact._

_Kuroo leaned into him. “He is a challenge, I like a challenge. But he does not care, so I won´t either.” Maybe just once… he could try to reach out one more time. Kuroo turned around. They didn´t even introduce each other. Although, Kuroo knew him by the name, Kenma didn´t care. “Yeah, let´s continue.”_

_Somehow, he regretted the lack of help he offered. He wanted to, but decided against it._

 

_Why did he sign up for this? The booklet said - subject for anyone in any chosen studies or class. Nature. He should have known it meant walking, hiking, or even rock climbing. What was he hoping for? Sitting in the middle of a meadow, watching flowers sway in the wind?_

_Probably._

_Did he get that?_

_No._

_Instead, he realized he was at the same school as this annoying man. Kenma frowned, that was unfair. He did help him once. And what was his name again?_

_Kenma wished he would help him, like before. This type of activity wasn´t for him. He needed the school credits, but it was tiring him. Also, he felt it. The migraine was creeping up on him. Everything started turning black. His body stopped moving, he needed water._

_As he drank, his eyes found a couple of lilies blooming on the side of the hiking trail. What were they doing here? This wasn´t the place they should be at. They…_

_Kenma noticed his group getting more distant. His eyes found the man with dark hair standing up all over the place. His own hair wasn´t any better, with a blond dye slowly disappearing._

_The trail thankfully came to an end, Kenma won the final battle of today, but… something was off. It took him a long time to realize, what that feeling meant._

_Dark haired man was nowhere to be seen. Kenma felt sadness, who knows why. They didn´t know each other, all of this has been a coincidence and bit of fun they were having with it._

_Fun, that the man was having._

_But… what a freaky coincidence._

_Kenma took his shoes off, deciding to go home barefoot, when he saw it. The couple of lilies on his backpack. When did that happen?_

_Freaky, Kenma thought._

_He did not attend that class ever again._

 

 

_The third meeting happened a short time before the fateful arrival of Akaashi Keiji into their lives. Kenma ran from school after the particularly unpleasant incident with silly remarks about his looks, courtesy of some insecure girls. It wasn´t his fault that his long hair was like a magnet, almost for everyone._

_He found his favorite hiding spot at a distant campus park dedicated to the more artsy students. Kenma was hoping he could blend in, since he was studying a graphic design. Just as he took out his phone to relax by playing his favorite game, the tall shadow blocked his view._

_Another person sat down under the big oak tree, too close to him. Was he seeing right? Yes, he was. He would recognize that hair anywhere._

 

_“Well,” Kuroo Tetsurou said in an honest surprise. It took him precisely three minutes to notice who was situated couple of meters beside him. He took out his lunch and book to read, when their eyes met. Kenma quickly averted his gaze, acting as nothing happened._

_Kuroo slumped a bit. “You know, I think we could really be friends. Good ones.”_

_No reaction._

_Kuroo´s confusion was palpable. They met in the most curious places, at the most curious times. Clearly, it was meant to be nothing. It was his fault, reading too much into it. Kenma didn´t care about the possibility of fate bringing them together. Kuroo started to feel the same, especially after passing of three more hours._

_That was when he saw HIM._

 

_Kenma sat there, glancing at Kuroo´s shadow getting up and leaving._

_Those meetings weren´t supposed to be meaningful._

_Right?_

_Just shots of past,_

_Of black and white._

_No meaning whatsoever._

_So why did he feel like he missed something big, bold and beautiful?_

 

Today was not the day to play a hero. Should he follow? Should he help? How? It was always him who reached out first. And it was always Kenma who refused him. They didn´t know each other. Not really, but…

There was some truth in the last words they spoke, while sitting side by side. We could be friends. Good friends.

Yes. It was easy to communicate with him. He made it easy, but Kenma was sure he doesn´t need that. Now, when he is ignored by him? Things changed.

“I met him again. He didn´t notice,” said the text sent to Hinata Shouyou, Kenma´s roommate. “What should I do? He is visibly distressed.”

“Follow him.” Reply came quickly.

“That´s what you would do, not me.”

“Then why do you ask?”

“Sorry, that was Kageyama, he is annoyed with the rain. We are on a shift today.”

Kenma rolled his eyes. They were too perceptive for how stupid they could be. Hesitation stopped him for a good five minutes. No. This means nothing.

Nothing.

Those meetings weren´t supposed to be meaningful.

Right?

 

 

The whole world was turning with the unstoppable speed of lightning. Kuroo wouldn´t be surprised if the Monday changed into Friday in the span of seconds. His head was spinning, ringing in his ears wouldn´t shut up.

He left him alone. Again.

Kuroo tried to understand as much as he could. Patience, tolerance, those were his middle names. Keiji needed it, so he respected it, but… it was too much. Too much. His hand tried to open the gate leading inside of the botanic garden. It belonged to their university for students, teachers and curious visitors alike. Why did he come? There was no care in him for discovering flowers, trees, stupid bushes, stupid everything.

The night was making him dizzy and the man closing the gate made him angry. “Why won´t you let me in? Why can´t I…”

“Sorry, but we are closing. It´s already too late and…”

Kuroo punched the high silver fence with all of his strength, rain got even heavier. So what?

“I can´t let you in. I am a student and those are the rules, I am sorry.”

Kuroo examined his face. It really was just a student. Dark hair, bluish piercing eyes, stoic expression. Tall, brooding, but… understanding? “Why are there always those high walls not letting him to move forward? Why…”

“I am sorry.” Man apologized, looking through Kuroo´s pleading eyes full of rain mixed with tears.

“Could you, please? For me? I will call you when we are done,” said a quiet voice, almost lost in the loud sounds of rainfall. “I need some space for studying, so…”

“You mean playing?” Dark haired boy sighed. “I should ask him, he is inside…”

“Please,” unknown presence repeated. “As usual, Kageyama, please.”

Blue eyes found Kuroo one more time. “Right. So as usual, don´t bother me with locking up, call Hinata, he´ll come. Have a good night.”

With that, Kuroo was left alone with the man, helping him for no apparent reason.

“Are you coming?” he asked, following Kageyama´s footsteps through the opening of a small gate.

Kuroo watched them both. Boy named Kageyama left slowly and hesitantly, while the other one was looking right at him. No, into him. Did they know each other? Dark long hair hiding half of his face, red hoodie, one palm clutching the game.

Well. This really is fucked up coincidence, right? Kuroo said out loud, probably. “I guess it´s time to run,” was his first instinct, when the rain stopped suddenly.

How long did they stand there, seeing each other with silver rails looming tall between their bodies? How long was Kozume Kenma standing there, soaking wet, waiting for someone he didn´t actually know?

All of a sudden, Kuroo got overwhelmed with a sharp pain. There was no time for hesitation. In another lifetime, he might joke, grin, even flirt. Today? He wanted the peace and quiet. Kenma could always provide that, so he followed him.

Words weren´t necessary. Kenma obviously knew the place well. “Where would you like to go? There is roof almost everywhere, so rain won´t be a problem.”

Kuroo´s eyes shot up. There really was a roof, seemingly invisible, probably see-through for silly weather like this. In all honesty, he couldn´t care less where they would sit. He found the first bench in sight, hidden among a bunch of white flowers.

They reminded him of clarity that he needed so much. His legs betrayed him. The body of his didn´t fall on the bench, but right on the ground, on purpose. Kuroo Tetsurou hid his face in between his knees.

Maybe this was his miracle.

 

 

Kenma didn´t talk. This man had no need for it today and if he had, he would ask for it. Or would he? After every refusal Kenma provided him with, anything was possible.

This thinking would get him nowhere. Kenma couldn´t even explain why he came to him. An hour has passed with Kenma playing his game. Man with even crazier hair after the rainfall and humidity wasn´t moving.

“Did he die?” Kenma thought, getting pale. He tried to touch him, when he saw him breathe out, breathe in. Slow, rhythmic motions. “He fell asleep.” Should he wake him? He probably needed to rest, but…

Then the sob came from his throat. Then another one. His dreams must have been nightmares.

Kenma couldn´t bear the sight of this. He already has one friend who went through something painful, when it came to love. This man wasn´t his friend, but he could be.

 

 

Kuroo literally jumped up at the man´s touch. “What is this?” His face was red, tired, exhausted. It seemed he forgot what has been going on for a while. As his eyes found Kenma, his body visibly relaxed.

“Sorry, you fell asleep.” Kenma mumbled, getting back to his game.

Kuroo sat down again, this time on the bench right next to Kenma. “By the way, my name is Kuroo Tetsurou.”

Kenma didn´t react to this information.

“Oh, I forgot, silent treatment, as always.” It came out more aggressive than he intended to. His eyes rolled on himself. “I…”

“That´s fine. I am Kenma.”

Kuroo´s eyes wandered to Kenma´s game. At first, Kenma hesitated to continue. “If you are bothered by me watching you play, just say so.”

 

 

Kenma flinched. When did his voice get so soft? He shook his head. “I allow it.”

And they both liked it.

“Do you wanna know what happened?” Kuroo asked without any warning, looking towards the clear night skies. How much time has passed since they came in?

“No.”

Kuroo knew Kenma meant it. “Then why did you help me…”

“The essay.” Kenma said in a too fast response.

Essay? Kuroo shrugged. Whatever. “Thank you.” Sighing heavily, he added. “If I should give you one recommendation for this life, don´t fall in love.” Atmosphere around them got too quiet, like a silence before the upcoming storm. “But do fall in love. It will hurt, it will cut you open, it will take everything you have, then spit it out and stomp on it, but… do it every time you can. As friends, as lovers, as fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, siblings or cousins… teammates. It will kill you, but it will keep you alive.”

Kenma´s fingers stopped moving. He never loved, not in a way Kuroo Tetsurou probably did, right here, right now, but he understood every word coming from his lips. Even though he believed him, he chuckled. “Love is for fools and dreamers. I am not a dreamer, not a fool.” His body burned up, Kuroo´s eyes were boring into him.

Or I am exactly just that, Kenma´s afterthought buzzed. And nothing was scarier.

 

 

Kuroo continued watching him play. How come there is this one person in this whole universe that´s making him so curious about him?

His face was able to grin, only for a bit. “Curiosity killed a cat,” he said to himself, trying to find the composure.

“What?” Kenma murmured in a heat of the final boss beating.

Kuroo loved watching him. It made him forget, at least for a while. It made his mind a bit clearer and heart a bit calmer. “You know, Kenma-kun… my heart was my kingdom. And he broke it.”

Why did he say it, no one knows.

 

 

But Kenma understood without any further elaboration.

As they got up to leave, Kenma had the urge to ask, why this place? Out of the whole garden, he made a decision to sit here.

Between the crazy amount of white lilies.

 

 

Kuroo walked into their apartment, hiding inside of the bathroom. No words came out of his mouth, because he had nothing to say.

Well, there was a lot he could scream and yell and shout for, but that was not him. He hated any type of conflicts, unless it was in a sports game, with his friends in a friendly banter, or teasing each other mutually.

Nothing more, nothing less.

With Akaashi Keiji, it was either always more, always less. It seemed like he could never get it right.

The morning was coming, he had no idea how long he was gone. Kuroo would never guess that watching someone play games for hours can be so compelling.

It didn´t matter, not now, while looking at the ring in his palm. He was going to propose that evening. He was going to express his love as much as he could, without being a sap, as Keiji liked to call him.

Kuroo was shaking.

Will he fight? Just a little?

The ring was left inside the jewelry box from Keiji´s grandmother. Kuroo was done and tired and dead inside. Whatever he did wrong, he will pay for it.

Probably forever.

 

 

Kuroo Tetsurou had no idea, that his forever started at the different place, different time, with entirely different person.

 

 

“What if he finds it?” Bokuto asked, providing his best friend a temporary place to live at. He lived too far from Kuroo´s university, but as a soon to be graduate, he had no more classes, so it didn´t matter.

“The ring? Don´t care. He might not even notice it doesn´t belong there.” Kuroo was lying. Akaashi was very observant.

Bokuto shrugged. “I wish I met him.”

“No. It´s better this way.” Why? Kuroo didn´t know the answer. He knew only of one thing. His closest friends will meet the person that will stay by his side for the eternity and beyond. Akaashi Keiji was not that man.

“So… not even a photo?” Bokuto pleaded.

Kuroo shook his head. “No. Can we talk about something else?”

“How is the work going? Will that doctor let you have his practice?”

Kuroo nodded. “He is retiring soon and I was his intern long enough, so… I will be working under him for about a year or two and then it´s mine.”

“Good, good. You really did a great job with my tooth. It really hurt as hell.” Bokuto started playing with the finger inside of his mouth. “Oh, maybe I should get checked the other one.”

Kuroo laughed.

“Finally,” Bokuto sighed in a relief.

 

 

Kuroo´s friends had no idea, that he spent a week before the graduation in the arms of his mother, crying his heart out.

 

 

He was hoping to see him, but Akaashi Keiji didn´t come. The graduation became a very private experience for him with only his mom, Bokuto on the phone and Kai.

What else did he really need?

As they were walking away, his eyes didn´t notice him, but something unknown inside of him whispered, turn around.

If he did, he would see him.

 

 

“So, is this him?” Hinata asked, jumping up to get a better look. “I didn´t have a chance to observe him that night. Ooh, nice hair. ”

Yes, nice, Kenma agreed silently.

“Why are we here?” Kageyama crossed his arms. “Are you going to talk to him, or…”

Kenma thought about it, changing his mind on the way there. This man needed this - his family, not Kenma, whom he still didn´t even know.

 

 

He sat in the usual place on his way to school, the train moving on towards the next station. Kenma expected his traveling buddy to sit beside him. Didn´t happen.

Akaashi got on, glancing at the place besides Kenma being taken by somebody else. Their eyes met, Kenma seeing the same sorrow in his eyes as he saw a week ago, inside of Kuroo.

With that, Kenma remembered everything Akaashi ever said to him.

With that, Kenma realized, who broke Kuroo´s heart.

Who got the key to it and threw it away.


	2. KINDNESS KEEPER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo Tetsurou was always open to love.  
> Always ready to give,  
> Ready to spread the feelings for the whole world to feel.  
> Kuroo Tetsurou lost his belief to love.  
> After the heartbreak,  
> He couldn´t get himself to believe,  
> He is able to give once more.

You can hide your heartbreak.

There is no way to outrun it.

Look at it from different angles.

Maybe you will find the truth.

Or you will find the lies.

This love will break you,

Any love can mend you.

Only you are the one to pick up the pieces left on the floor,

In the rain,

Between the fallen leaves and petals and letters of pleads and pain and lost comfort.

Outrun it, but think about where you will run to.

Be broken, but think about how you will repair yourself.

Let love run you over,

Let the soul spread its wings.

Don´t forget.

There are billions of us.

No one is alone in this.

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you sure about this, Yamaguchi?” asked freakishly tall blonde man with glasses falling down his nose. As he corrected them, his best friend and occasional lover gave him a look full of questions.

“We agreed together, Tsukki.”

Kuroo put down his suitcases. “Ehm, I really have nowhere to go.”

“Yeah,” was Tsukishima Kei´s only answer.

Yamaguchi got up to help. “Sorry about that. You know how he is, you work together!”

“I am an intern,” said Tsukishima in annoyance.

His friend with face full of freckles snorted. “Same thing.” Kuroo´s new roommates stared at him, awaiting some snarky response. They knew each other from the same classes, different years. Kuroo was often the confidant and helper to his kouhais, which he enjoyed with grins, silly jokes, nerdiness and sometimes hotness all at the same time. Usually, it resulted in a terrible mess.

That was the reason they became friends, although Tsukishima would never admit to it. Blonde man stood up from the couch. “I am going out. Just… don´t befriend the guys on the first floor, okay?”

Kuroo watched him put the headphones on, shutting the door loudly, obviously making a statement “I know I can be stupid, but did I do something wrong?” His question was meant for Yamaguchi Tadashi.

He scratched his head, then motioned to their home, sighing deeply. “I think he might be giving you some space to get used to this.”

Kuroo was impressed. “How did you understand it from just… that? And who lives on the first floor, that I was warned about?”

Yamaguchi snorted for the second time. “His arch enemy. Or frenemy, or whatever they are. I don´t mind them.”

“SO… who?” Kuroo was getting impatient.

“Kageyama Tobio and his roommates. Well, one roommate in particular.”

Kuroo´s eyes widened. He remembered the name and he certainly remembered the face, those blue, angered and passionate eyes. “Well, bury me right now, because Tsukki will not like what´s coming.”

 

 

For the first week roommating with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, Kuroo did everything he could to show them how much he appreciated the opportunity. Not only to have a roof over the head, but having roommates he knew pretty well.

When at work, his mind was pretty occupied, but when at home, he had to make himself busy. Taking out trash, hoovering, dusting, cleaning the windows, he even thought about trying to cook or bake. The break up happened couple of months ago, but it was still fresh, the wound didn´t even figured out yet, it should start healing soon.

Kuroo was losing his faith that it would ever happen.

He was taking out the trash again, running down the stairs, taking two steps at a time. When he walked by the first floor, the always-persistent temptation burning inside of him since moving in, got stronger.

No.

He would not bother them, Kageyama for sure forgot about him. He didn´t seem like the easily forgetful type, but… they both share similarities in their eyes.

Signs of sorrow. Fresh, or antique, that meant nothing when it came to the matters of a broken heart, soul, or mind.

“Good morning!”

Kuroo Tetsurou jumped so high, he bumped his head on a lower ceiling and cursed.

“I am so sorry, I thought you saw me and…”

“How could he see you? You are small and standing right behind him! Idiot.” So, that was Kageyama Tobio in his natural habitat.

Kuroo watched them bickering. He had to admit, these two were amusing. “Guys?” he asked after a while, standing in front of the elevator none of them was going to use.

Smaller man with orange hair turned to him. “Just wanted to say hi to our new neighbor!”

“How… how do you know, exactly?” Kuroo was suspicious. “And… I don´t think we were introduced. Kuroo Tetsurou.”

“I kn…” Kageyama elbowed him, before the small orange guy could say anything. “Hinata Shouyou, nice to meet you, come to visit us some day!”

Kuroo grinned. “Okay? But… I don´t think my roommate likes you?”

Hinata waved him off. “He doesn´t like anyone.”

“No one said to bring him with you,” Kageyama added unexpectedly.

Kuroo tilted his head a bit. “I don´t know if you remember me, we…”

“I remember. Come on, Hinata, we have to go.”

At that moment, Kuroo noticed what was Kageyama holding. “Do you play volleyball?”

His neighbours nodded.

“Friday at seven pm. Me and my friends play occasionally. If you´d like to join us, come. Maybe you will know some of them. Bokuto Koutaro and Oikawa Tooru?” Kuroo did not expect those reactions. Kageyama seemed to be having a stomach ache and Hinata started shining so brightly, that Kuroo regretted not having sunglasses with him. “Give me your phone, I will text you the address.”

“Thank you!” Hinata shouted.

Kuroo came back to the flat, closing the door slowly and thinking hard. How well do they know Kenma and what are the chances, he will come with them?

 

 

What Kuroo Tetsurou didn´t have any idea about was the fact, that Kozume Kenma was their roommate. He also had no idea, that Hinata was waiting for an opportunity to scout him out, for the sake of all of them.

 

* * *

 

 

How do you start to heal?

Is it the time?

Is it on the other side of the world?

Is it the killing of one feeling with another?

How do you start to heal?

How do you believe in yourself again?

In your own worth?

How can you love again?

Anyone, even yourself?

You lose so hard you cannot see the forest through the trees.

You forfeit everything for the stars hidden behind the clouds and the darkness of the darkest night.

You go on just to see everything fall apart for one last time.

So how do you go on?

How do you move on?

Where do you look, who do you ask?

Where will you turn to?

How will you love?

Romance never dies, admiration lives forever,

Looking for forever is invincible…

It was, it is, it will be.

If you believe in all of this, if you give all of your heart to these notions…

How can you move closer to them after they beat you to death?

Then you see it. See him, see her, see them, feel all of it.

There are no answers. Only hope, only that last belief of yours.

Hold on.

Something is coming.

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo always worried about recreational volleyball games not being as great of an experience as the good old high school or university days. Their meetings were usually full of jokes about the fate, the future, the played up rivalry, which made everything so much more fun and crazy.

The graduation marked the moment for Kuroo and his closest volleyball friends to make plans, allowing them to meet at least once a month. They never expected the mish-mash created by their friends, enemies, even new acquaintances, who joined their small club voluntarily.

“So, how is the law practice going?” Kuroo asked teasingly one of his friends he had a chance to see the least.

Oikawa gave him a frown. “It´s tough. Do you have any idea how stupid are some of the reasons people are getting divorced for? I really missed the mark by being a divorce attorney.”

“Come on!” Bokuto bumped his shoulder in a playful, but painful manner. “This job was made exactly for you and your drama needs.”

Oikawa was still frowning. “Maybe. And ouch,” he added, rubbing the place Bokuto hit too hard. “And you two? Some new gossip?” His mood got brighter and lighter.

“We are not that close.” Kuroo picked up the ball.

“Did I do something wrong?” Oikawa asked in confusion.

Bokuto shrugged. “Nah. Life just sucks today.”

 

 

Kenma was scolding himself, for letting them drag him right into the middle of this craziness. Of course, Shouyou had to do the exact opposite of what Kenma told him.

“No, I am not coming.”

“Great, be ready at nine!”

Kenma puffed and huffed, knowing there is no way out of this.

“He´ll also be there.” It was Kageyama, who accidentally mentioned seeing Kuroo Tetsurou by the mailboxes.

Even with the warnings, Shouyou took it into his own hands. The rest is the history.

Rest is the present.

The place they stood at right now.

Kenma occupied the bench, giving them all clear sign he is only the spectator, which was not that hard with Miya twins being present. Kenma knew them from their building, both living on the same floor as Tsukishima. He also learned that one of them is setter, so they had enough of those. Kenma had no problem convincing himself of this fact, but… what about them? It was time to make his presence disappear, which was easy for him, but only at places without Hinata Shouyou, Kuroo Tetsurou and seemingly, Bokuto Koutaro. Great. Awesome. Spectacular.

“Turns out, there are four of you!” Bokuto shouted, pointing towards Kenma. “So, Oikawa and Atsumu on my team?”

“No way!” Oikawa and Hinata shouted at once. Tooru added: “We mean, that… we will be changing it up every five points. I heard a lot of praise about Tobio here, so we will be on your team. Let´s find out who is better, heh.” Oikawa shot a warning stare at Atsumu, who gave him a middle finger. Kenma felt immediate tension between the two of them. Hm, interesting. Are they sure they are all here voluntarily?

Hinata ran towards Bokuto. “Yes! Yeees! You are the spiker, right? And the ace? I always wanted to be…. Ouch!” Kageyama dragged him to their side of the court. Bokuto followed them, happily humming.

“Okay, Atsumu, I know, I know, come here. And Kenma?” Kuroo raised one eyebrow.

“I am fine, thanks.” Kenma was ready to play his game, when someone´s hand fell onto his shoulders.

“Are you?” a man hissed.

Kenma quickly moved to the other side of the bench. This man was literally sizing him up, like a dinner he was ready to cook. His heart beat too fast, this uncomfortability was making him anxious.

It seemed that Kuroo noticed. He needed only two steps to close the distance. “Daishou, stop being a prick and warm up. You are late.”

Daishou Suguru, man with a snake eyes licked his lips and chuckled. “Sorry, traffic.”

“Or girlfriend,” Osamu teased.

“Can we start already? I want to go home,” Tsukishima announced, unimpressed.

Kuroo snorted. “Of course, you do.” Like anyone would believe him.

Kei glared at him.

“Please?”

It took some time before Kenma realized the pleading was meant for him. Kuroo´s hand was extended, inviting him to join in. “Shrimpy said you are a setter.”

Kenma shrugged. “I´m not,” he said too quietly. “He made me play, before he met Kageyama.”

“So… do you wanna?”

“He does!” Daishou shouted from the opposite side of the court.

“I don´t like him,” whispered Yamaguchi loudly. Daishou sent him an air kiss, which Tsukishima burst with the smack of a hand.

Kenma ignored him. The interesting thing to him at the moment were Kuroo´s pleading eyes. What was he seeing in him?

He didn´t have the heart to say no.

 

 

Kuroo enjoyed the game, wishing only one thing.

Why couldn´t it be Akaashi Keiji, playing his setter? Or even Bokuto´s, he wouldn´t mind. He was always looking forward to their promise of playing together, just because they could. Bokuto kept his promise, he was the one organizing all of this (to everyone´s surprise). When you give Bokuto Koutaro the right course and adequate support, he will steer you right into the finish line, usually as a winner.

“When our university careers end,we won´t stop, right?” Bokuto asked in a silence of the last tournament the three of them shared as members of rivaling schools. “Maybe we could finally meet that boyfriend of yours.”

Kuroo smiled. “Yes, a thousand times yes. He also plays, only in his free time, but… I think he would fit right with us.”

But he didn´t.

There was no need to dwell on the past promises. The game ended, Kuroo enjoyed it and that´s all that mattered. Kenma was tired, although he played only for a bit. He had solid skills, Kuroo could easily imagine partnering with him more in the future. He was ready to hit the showers, walking by the window, the white flower catching his eye. Kuroo wished to play with him more, their schemes worked pretty well, he for sure didn´t imagine that. Kenma was nowhere to be seen, Kuroo slumped a bit. Since the showers were full for now, he stepped outside, into the summer warmth.

There was one lily fighting its way up, from the only living place between the surrounding concrete. He crouched and picked it up, ready to take it home, when he heard it.

Bleep, bleep. Noises of game playing.

Kenma was sitting hidden in the shadows, away from the sun, making him too hot. Did he notice Kuroo´s presence? No, he was too preoccupied with the game. Kuroo examined him, seeing his hair fell out of his scrunchie, so he couldn´t see anything, even if he wanted to, even if the end of the world was creeping in.

There was a distant time, feeling like another life, when he truly wished to brush through them. Through those locks, once blonde, with his fingers. Kenma put the game on his knees, one hand playing, the other pulling his hair back up.

Kuroo felt entranced by his moves. Kenma still ignored him.

Kuroo´s eyes lowered to appreciate flower in his hands. Five longer steps were enough to approach him. “There you go,” he said, putting the flower behind Kenma´s ear, leaving after the deed.

 

 

Kenma´s body stiffened. It was rigid almost all of the time Kuroo was wandering outside of the court. What was he doing? Kenma tried so hard to focus on his game, but it was harder with every movement of his.

Then he walked towards him. Kenma wanted to run, or to at least to hide. The body of his begged to differ. Kuroo left him with the solitary lily in his hair, which made everything even more awkward.

Why was Kenma feeling this way?

And where the hell were those two? He was getting restless.

Kenma got up, following Kuroo´s footsteps. Thankfully, most of the others already left, so no one tried bothering him.

Showers. Kenma was so glad when he got out of them, but now he had to go back. What if those two… no, he will not think about that. Kenma wasn´t even sure if they are together or what.

Too late. His mind already went there. My brain… Kenma thought.

“Sorry, sorry, Daishou was being an idiot!” Shouyou yelled, running from the locker rooms.

Kenma felt relieved.

“Oooh, nice flower! It suits you,” Hinata complimented him.

Kenma reached for the lily, adoring its beauty. “Um… can you show me something?”

 

 

Kuroo got out of the showers simultaneously with Bokuto, since they always had to below some song wholeheartedly and usually with no clothes on, scarring everyone else for life. Kuroo was still humming the tunes of Roxette, when his eyes found it. The lily was laying right at the top of his bag. It was put there with care and thoughtfulness, there was no doubt about that.

Kuroo smiled. Gestures like this made him happy, warm and fuzzy. Those were feelings he missed for such a long time.

 

 

Finally, the fateful day arrived. The day, when Kuroo Tetsurou and Tsukishima Kei agreed on something profoundly, with the same posture of crossed arms on their chests and annoyed frown on their faces.

Housewarming party for Kuroo, courtesy of Bokuto (who couldn´t even come because of the distance), Hinata and Yamaguchi.

Kuroo Tetsurou was always open to love.

Always ready to give,

Ready to spread the feelings for the whole world to feel.

Kuroo Tetsurou lost his belief to love.

After the heartbreak,

He couldn´t get himself to believe,

He is able to give once more,

So much more,

To transcendence of what he once felt for the man of his dreams.

The time began for the man of his reality.

He lost the belief in his ability to love just as much as before.

Well, Kuroo Tetsurou was always open to love.

Even at times he didn´t see it.

Kuroo Tetsurou was the love, the appreciation, the adoration.

His friends and even enemies were walking evidence of that.

 

 

“I, unquestionably, did not want this,” Kuroo repeated after many more people came in.

Tsukishima shook his head, eyeing Kuroo´s profile. “Are you sure? Because, this mess sounds like something you´d want.”

“No. Not today.” Not any day, unless I stop feeling like a piece of shit. “My apologies, Tsukki, that you have to endure it on my behalf.”

“Don´t call me Tsukki.” Blonde man crouched, taking his backpack and headphones. “I am out. This is not what I signed up for, so see you tomorrow.”

Kuroo´s eyes widened. “No! Don´t leave me here with them!” He whispered, “they will eat me alive!”

Tsukishima snorted. “You will enjoy it.”

“I wo…” Kuroo stopped. “Tadashi will be disappointed.”

Tsukishima stiffed for a second. “No, he won´t even notice I am gone.”

Kuroo grinned. Was it a wishful thinking he caught the waves of just now? “Aaaw. And they say he doesn´t have a heart.”

“Shut up.”

With him leaving, Kuroo was left in the kitchen, all by himself. “I am not doing this without the alcohol.” He took a sip of a drink, when he heard the doors creak.

His curiosity got better of him. With every opening, there was a new hope rising inside of him for Keiji to arrive, to walk through that damned entryway.

Kuroo slid down to the floor, waiting for someone to pick him up and make him forget, at least for one night.

The door opened again. Kuroo tilted his head, expecting him.

This time, he came through. It really was him. Akaashi Keiji came inside, eyes only for the man he loved.

Forever and always.

He didn´t have to see him, he felt him. His stride was quick, confident, leading towards the kitchen where Kuroo stood up. They both opened their arms.

They hugged.

They kissed.

Then Kuroo opened his eyes full of tears.

“Shit,” he cursed, stopping this silly daydreaming and went outside. “Need some air, be right back,” he said to no one in particular.

Kuroo wasn´t able to apprehend the presence of someone else.

Kozume Kenma felt him bump into his smaller body. He watched him closing the door, leaving Kenma alone at the party he didn´t want to attend in the first place.

Why was he still invisible to him?

He didn´t care, when it came to other people.

It shouldn´t matter with Kuroo.

Kenma sighed. If it shouldn´t matter, then why it felt like it did?

 

* * *

 

 

It felt like something significant.

Like losing the vital part of his existence.

Like reaching the vital part of his existence.

Which one was the right one?

 

You will run until you get bored with running,

Or you will get exhausted.

Either way,

You will stop.

Then what?

Fight?

Give up?

Embrace?

 

* * *

 

 

How long did he wander around the block? Probably too long, getting swept away by the breeze and the emptiness of the narrowing street leading towards the meadow lost behind the shadows of occupied houses and the blackness of the night.

Kuroo stood in the middle of the meadow full of flowers without colors, thanks to the gloom surrounding them. No light from street lamps reached this place, not even a light of the moon was able to show him the way.

What a shame. He would love to watch their beauty.

Flowers were unique, flowers were pure and sign of something good. Something new.

Or maybe not.

He should stop dreaming so much, it lately brought him only the pain and memories of loneliness.

But he wasn´t alone. The meadow was not as empty as he thought. “Hello?” he asked carefully, watching the shadow standing nearby. “Are you lost?” Where were his keys? He put them one by one between his fingers, ready to defend himself if it came to that.

“Um. It´s me.”

Kuroo narrowed his eyes. How come he didn´t recognize him? His particular silhouette was easy to recognize. And this hair… hair flowing all round his face, making him seem more and more like an angel. “Kenma,” he breathed out.

 

 

Kozume Kenma was looking for some safe space around the apartment. It turned out to be in vain. There wasn´t anyone that would be willing to hide him, understand him, or keep him company of solitary. There were too many extroverts, or too many couples.

He stood side by side with Hinata, Kageyama and Yamaguchi. It was a big relief, seeing Shouyou and Kageyama not to bicker for once in their life. Yamaguchi was pretty accomplished bumper when it came to their arguing and Kenma appreciated it.

“You know, I can help you to get out,” Kageyama said unexpectedly.

Kenma raised an eyebrow.

“Hinata adores you, Kozume. I know you adore him. But you need your own space and… he doesn´t get that. Not always, anyway.”

What was he supposed to say? Kenma never had a chance to see this side of him. Maybe it was because they never really tried. Their alone time was nonexistent, and also… Hinata. Which was good for both of them, but sometimes too much.

“Thank you, but…” Kenma got quiet, when his eyes darted towards the window. “If you would be that kind, please.”

Kageyama nodded. “You got it.”

 

 

When did he get here? Before me, or after? Was he even at the party? Kuroo didn´t remember and he always remembered Kenma. Always.

“It is not safe,” Kenma highlighted in a quiet, worried voice.

Kuroo sat down. “I know. You don´t have to stay, I don´t even understand, why you…”

Was he saying something different from what he thought? Did he say something welcoming? Because, Kenma did the opposite of what Kuroo meant.

Yet, he was thankful.

“I don´t think you want to be alone,” Kenma said abruptly, staying by his side.

How did he know?

“Although I know it´s not me you want here, I know I am not Boku…”

“I wish he just danced with me, you know?” Kuroo hugged his knees, fingers reaching for the flowers.

Kenma gave him a curious look.

“Just one time. Genuinely dance, like we belonged to each other. Like there was nothing else between, just us and everything we had, everything we built.” Why was he telling him this? Why was he being so honest with the man who rejected him time and time again?

Their eyes reflected each other. Kuroo started to understand the reasons behind Kenma´s remaining here. “You really don´t like seeing other´s sad, do you?”

Kenma was motionless.

“That´s okay. You don´t have to talk around me. I don´t mind.” Kuroo smiled.

Kenma´s heart melted for him. His hand moved by itself, reaching towards Kuroo. No words were needed, for what he was offering.

“Do you want to?” Kuroo reassured himself.

Kenma nodded.

They danced without any music needed. Kuroo held the shorter boy like he was the only one left in the whole world. They fit perfectly, not only their bodies, also hearts, beating in one rhythm, completing each other in a perfect song.

 

 

Are you crying? Kenma asked inside of his mind, terrified to say it out loud. He felt the tears falling down his hair.

“No,” Kuroo sobbed.

“I said nothing.”

“I heard your thoughts.”

How? Kenma asked himself in a confusion.

“I can feel it,” Kuroo added, with more tears falling down. He pulled away, catching his breath. “I can´t be going on, ruining that beautiful hair of yours, can I?”

He didn´t have to say a thing, Kenma knew. They both sat back down, Kuroo´s eyes still red, watery, sobbing.

“I don´t even know why, I just…”

Kenma moved closer to him, arms reaching towards him. Kuroo fell into him, whole body shaking. “I know,” was the only reaction he got from Kenma. I know, he repeated in his head.

Who knows has much time has passed? This felt good to Kenma, this felt right. Was this what he was missing all that time?

Kuroo moved, his left hand playing with strands of Kenma´s long hair falling into his face. “Do you ever think about cutting it?”

Kenma pursed his lips tightly. He did, before they met again. “No.”

“Okay. If you ever change your mind, I will gladly do that for you.” Kenma knew Kuroo meant it.

Oh no. Kenma felt a bit of panic brewing inside him. His heart started beating too fast. There were only two things, maybe three that could do just that, but… this was different. This was special, because this was the only thing that could change everything. That could change him.

Kuroo either didn´t notice, or didn´t have a need to point it out. “Have you ever been in love?”

Kenma thought hard about this. He knew the answer, he wasn´t sure how to express it. “I thought so. But it wasn´t real love. Romantic.”

“Could have been?” Kuroo moved a bit, his head still laying in Kenma´s lap.

“Maybe.”

“What happened?” Kuroo pushed, but Kenma let him.

“I saw the way he looked at somebody else. That´s when I knew it´s not right. And I moved on before I could fall into it.”

Kuroo sighed.

“You once said… we could be good friends.” Kenma said it out loud, not knowing why. What did he expect to hear?

“Of course.” With no elaboration, Kuroo got up, brushing his clothes to get rid of the dirt. “It´s getting cold, let´s go home.”

Kenma took his hand.

“Um, I have tickets for a volleyball match, it´s next weekend. I was supposed to take… him, you know? I planned it a long time ago, but… well, things changed, so. I can´t take Bo, he has his own. Actually, it was my second attempt to introduce them…” Kuroo frowned. “Doesn´t matter. You can take them and… go with that shrimpy friend of yours if you´d like to. I don´t mind.”

Kenma would gladly take them, just to ease Kuroo´s heart, but he couldn´t. Different face manifested in front of his eyes. “I can´t.”

“Oh.” Kuroo´s spirits could obviously get even lower.

“Not because I don´t appreciate the gesture, but… crowds. If I can avoid big crowds, I do that.” And because of Akaashi. It´s a simple courtesy.

Kuroo seemed to be relieved. “Understood. So… give them to Shrimpy and Kageyama? As a thank you, for that day…”

Kenma watched him carefully. He really wanted to get rid of those tickets, right? “They will be glad. But… I would like to go if you would accompany me.” Should he tell him the truth? Should he admit to knowing, who Akaashi Keiji is?

For sure, but today was not that day.

 

 

Sitting in the train, in the same coach at the same place, waiting for Akaashi, Kenma went down a memory lane. Every description of Kuroo, his looks, his gestures, ticks, triggers, actions, his character, all of it pointed to the only person in the world they had to have in common.

His name wasn´t needed for Kenma to put two and two together. Akaashi may not have realized how many times he spoke about him, if something like speaking constantly could be said about him. Akaashi Keiji´s expressions were enough to gather the easy understanding - he cared too much.

Why didn´t it work out? Kenma couldn´t understand, especially after getting to know Kuroo a lot better. The answers didn´t have any merit to what was happening, which also meant coming clean to his friend.

He waited for Akaashi, while traveling to school. He was ready to tell him about Kuroo, about meeting him.

Kenma did not see Akaashi on that train, or at least in the same coach as him anymore. His gaze focused on the silhouette standing outside on the platform, alone in the rain. Was it him? Did he just raise his voice? Kenma tried to open the window, reassure himself, tried to listen. The words got lost, but he would swear… swear, it was him. Right? Kenma texted and emailed, without luck. Akaashi didn´t answer. He tried to use Shouyou´s accounts, which didn´t help much. Kenma stopped trying.

 

 

Akaashi Keiji got the message. He was coming, almost getting inside of the apartment building, ready to fight for him.

That´s when he saw them.

Kenma followed Kuroo, both of them staying alone in the meadow, dancing, talking, even laughing? What was this feeling of regret, blooming inside of Akaashi´s chest?

He left, without ever turning around.

 

 

They walked together, Kuroo´s favorite team winning. “Let´s go for lunch, my treat.” On the way, Kuroo got distracted by many things.

He hopped into the flower shop, buying single, purple flower. “For you, as a thank you.” Kuroo put the flower behind Kenma´s scrunchie.

Kenma smiled, not showing this sight to anyone, but himself.

“You are kind,” Kuroo said, watching the skies in the central park, sitting together by the fountain. “You are so kind. Never lose that, keep that forever.”

Kenma smiled for the second time that day, only for Kuroo. No, you are kind, Kuro. Maybe too kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may find me on tumblr: insomniamagic
> 
> :)
> 
> As always, take care of yourself!


	3. KNOWLEDGE OF KOLKWITZIA (beauty, loveliness, grace)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And as I am falling for you,  
> You stand there thinking of the past.  
> As I am falling for you,  
> You sit there, dreaming of the future.  
> I am falling for you,  
> You lay there, sensing the present.

One question was enough to break apart the start of blooming friendship.

Not because they wanted to,

Not because they wished it,

Their hearts got carried away,

They both somehow missed the truth.

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo hated the silence as much as he loved the silence. For the first part, it was because he enjoyed talking, sharing his thoughts, getting to know people a bit better every time he got a chance, or just to have fun. For the second part, silence brought him the time to contemplate and adore the beauty of his surroundings.

He loved to watch Keiji doing his things without any words necessary, he loved to watch Tsukki and Yamaguchi getting it on with their lovely back and forth, he loved seeing Bokuto getting lost in his fantasies and theories, one crazier than the other. He loved examining Kenma, his quiet concentration, enigmatic presence, always working mind, under the right circumstances.

Then he had to ask that dreadful question. “Do you think, you´ll ever be ready to love again?” Kenma was fighting the urge to ask this, failing hard. His heart had to know, it was yelling at him things he didn´t particularly wish for to be happening.

Kuroo watched him with utter curiosity. Why this question, why now? “No. I don´t think so. I love love, I love to love, but… I am not sure there is someone in this world who can get me through this, romantically.” Kuroo was looking out of the window, dreamily, reminding Kenma of an old photograph.

Reminding Kenma a work of art.

Kenma left him alone and Kuroo closed his eyes. They are too similar.

They are also very different.

 

 

It has been four months since they saw each other. They didn´t have any luck meeting inside of the building. Kuroo was sure one of them was avoiding the other, truthfully, he wasn´t able to pinpoint which one of them was at fault.

Kuroo sat in the living room, trying to play the game called Need For Speed, which he was terrible at. Maybe he should start playing The Sims, but he changed his mind. He would probably burn down the house even without having the kitchen build.

“I have an idea,” said the incoming text message.

“Yes, Bo?” Kuroo´s stomach churned. Bokuto´s ideas were always bad ideas.

“I am in town next weekend and there is a Boy Toy auction. Anyone can join, anyone can buy and the money goes for a good cause. And you have enough experience with things like this.”

Kuroo rolled his eyes. “Go on, I am intrigued. What is the cause?”

“Do you remember that one time you tried strip competition to win the money for your studies? Well, this is similar, only you don´t get to keep it. You get the money and it´s up to you, which charity you choose.”

“But why?” Kuroo asked, almost laughing.

“Honestly? Fun. Maybe you´ll meet someone. (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞.”

“I am hardworking, nice and kind man. This is not the reputation I want to spread around!”

“Hahahahahahaha. Nice try. See you in a week and a half! Love you too! (づ￣ ³￣)づ”

And just like that, as one conversation ended, the other one started.

“I also got the text. Gou is very persistent about showing off my muscles. Ugh.” He knew this voice very well, a neighbor from the next door paid him a visit.

Kuroo waved at him and showed him an empty space on the couch. “Hello Sousuke. Hello, Tsukki.” Another tall, but a dark haired man with a turquoise eyes and sorrowed expression sat by his right side, Tsukishima plopped to the left one. “When did you come in?”

“While you were staring at your phone in the utter shock and amusement. And don´t call me Tsukki.”

“Okay, Tsukki.” Kuroo gazed at Sousuke Yamazaki, husband of a red haired young woman named Gou. “What brings you here?”

Tsukishima tsked, Sousuke shrugged. “Yamaguchi and Gou talk too much.”

“So, are you joining the parade?”

They did not agree, or disagree.

“Great.” Kuroo sighed. “So I guess we are going.” He wished to talk to them about so much more, he wished to talk about Kenma and his absence. Kuroo would have never in a million years thought, how much he´d miss him.

Kuroo didn´t start the conversation he wanted, although it seemed, that his roommate and neighbor understood. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Sousuke asked, trying to race him in another lap of Need for Speed, being similarly bad at it.

“Just, thank you.”

Tsukishima only nodded. That was enough.

 

 

This was another anxiety day for Kenma. They should make it a holiday, with how often it was happening in the last four months. He sat his body on the floor, staying close to the bed, letting the hair falling down. It was covering almost all of his back, getting closer and closer to the hips.

Shouyou offered to cut it, but Kenma refused. Not now, not him. Yet.

The source of anxiety was clear to him, when Shouyou mentioned the dreaded name while on the phone with Bokuto Koutaro. When and how did those two become friends was a mystery to him. “We have plans for the next weekend!” Shouyou shouted and without any explanation, ran outside of the door.

Kenma watched the door shut and looked towards the red and gold carpet again. His eyes were tired, but his mind wasn´t willing to let him fall asleep.

Someone else came in, sitting by his side, feet straightened in front of him, head falling behind on the bed. “He really doesn´t know how to slow down,” Kageyama mumbled annoyed, with a playful smile on his lips. “You don´t seem well.”

Kenma was thankful he didn´t stare into him as Shouyou liked to do. Never on purpose, always with the goal to help, understand, read into him. Kageyama was different. You either talk, or you don´t. He never asked for anything else, simply waits there for your incentive, or leaves. “I might be afraid.”

Kageyama seemed surprised by his honesty. He stared right at the wall in front of him. “Me too.”

“Do you think we are afraid of the same thing?” Kenma´s voice was getting lower.

“Probably.” Kageyama´s face fell into his chin. “I am not ready to lose.”

Kenma agreed. “Can we lose something we probably don´t even own?”

At that moment, their gazes met and quickly turned back to the floor. “It still hurts.”

Kenma thought of Kuroo, what he would do at that moment. He reached his fingers towards Kageyama Tobio, lightly touching his palm. “I wouldn´t worry. Just yell some more sense into him, maybe then he will get it.”

Their short giggles lit up the whole room, at least for a couple of precious seconds.

 

 

The upcoming weekend arrived with a chance for them to meet again.

Kenma watched him from afar of the bar, where he was dragged by Shouyou, later disappearing without any decency to warn him. “What is this?”

“Nothing good,” Kageyama answered in palpable disgust. He got over that pretty fast, when the music started and the red haired duo, obviously siblings, stood up on the podium.

“Ladies and gentlemen. We have gathered here today to witness the very special auction. Don´t worry, all of it is for a good cause! There are men and couple of women for you to purchase, just for this night. But, let´s not get ahead ourselves, we don´t want to see anything nasty, unless both sides will agree to it. It´s all for us to have fun and to provide help to those in need.” Man with the shark teeth started the explanation, then looked at the lady by his side.

“Gou?” spoke Kenma and Kageyama simultaneously.

Gou was almost shining. “Yes, yes! Besides all of this being for the charity of your choosing, it is also for the pleasure of my eyes, so here we go, auction away! First one, my beloved, Sousuke Yamazaki!”

The no so subtle music started and with that, Kenma´s neighbor from the third floor manifested itself on the podium, walking shyly to the front. “He really doesn´t know what to do, right?”

Just like that, Gou´s brother whipped out some money. “My best friend and brother-in-law!”

“He is bidding on him,” Kageyama seemed to deepen his disgust.

Kenma didn´t care. He knew what was coming. His hunch was too strong. Shouyou disappeared, Kuroo was nowhere to be seen, but Tsukishima wasn´t standing so far away. He was pretty sure he noticed Bokuto before they got in, so…

As he thought all of that, Sousuke was “sold” to Rin Matsuoka for the rest of the night. Another person in line got up, this time the grey haired man with yellow eyes and no shirt, just shorts. Kenma gulped. Bokuto was all muscle.

The bidding war started. Kenma felt suffocated, but endured. Kageyama has not left his side yet, which made Kenma relieved. He would not be able to do this alone.

Bokuto was auctioned off by Gou Matsuoka, who almost forgot to moderate the rest of the evening. And so it was turn for someone named Hazuki, followed by Shouyou himself. Kenma heard loud gasp coming from the left side.

“Do you have any money?” Kageyama hissed, when they saw how many people, women especially, were going after him.

Kenma checked his pockets and wallet. “Here, take what you need.”

“Are you sure?” Kageyama seemed worried. “You know they planned this, right? You know what´s…”

“I know. Take it.”

Hinata got “purchased” by Kageyama, which resulted in the happiest screech Kenma ever heard. “What did I just do?” Kageyama said more to himself, than anyone else.

This time, it was a blond man named Kohinata, who got on the podium. His features were more feminine, similar to Kenma. There were two more men like that, one with silver hair, the other also blond. They got the most money out of everyone around, which Kenma found very creepy. He couldn´t help it, something about Kohinata intrigued him. Maybe it was his playful smile, hands behind his back, or the twirling he was doing. He knew how to play his part, especially the audience. Yamaguchi´s turn was next, putting on a show of lights and stars. There was almost nothing covering his body, only stars of skies painted all over him. Tsukishima almost choked. By some miracle, he was not the one paying for him, someone named Shirabu got to him first.

The time has come, when Rin Matsuoka announced the name getting the most cheers. Kuroo Tetsurou came on, dressed in a full leather, wearing high heels and a glitter covering his hair, as well his chest.

This time it was Kenma, who almost choked.

“There, there,” said Kageyama, patting his back. “He doesn´t seem to enjoy it.”

White lies, Kenma thought, but he might be right. Anyway, Kuroo put on the show that certainly wasn´t for the wimpy, or squeamish ones. And he was skilled. Very skilled, so this wasn´t the first time he danced like this.

Kuroo moved as close to the audience as he could, acting all shy, when the beat of a music changed into Uptown Funk.

“Too hot, hot damn,” Kenma thought in a bit of trance.

Kuroo got into a side lunge, shifting swiftly as a cat. His feet were going in a direction of doing splits, when he quickly turned, his chest hovering over the floor, falling down and up into a push up. One move was enough for him to get back up, flicking his wrists with a snap of fingers right in front of him. He was backing away from the audience, finding Rin Matsuoka, standing on the sides. Something was going to happen and it was not for the faint-hearted. Kenma got worried, he might show off even more flexibility of his and that made him scared for his own health.

Unfortunately, Kenma had no time to enjoy it.

“You should get up there,” suggested a big pale man with brown hair and emptiness in his eyes.

Kenma got smaller, trying to become invisible.

“You would get even more attention than those other long haired boys. Look at those locks.” Man leaned into him, touching his hair. Kenma trembled, unable to ask for help.

“Hey!” Kageyama shouted, trying to get him off, but it wasn´t enough. Someone came from behind him.

Kenma couldn´t breathe. He hitched, his hands holding the table, throat stuck, heart almost exploding. Help, he pleaded, annoyed with his own incapability to do something. Help…

The punch came, then the kick.

“Enough,” hissed the deep voice.

“Get out,” someone else added.

Kenma trembled still. He got caught in a spiderweb of anxiety, broken, unable to function properly. No, that´s not right. He is not broken, he never was and never will be. He only has to approach things differently, that´s all.

“Enough,” the deep voice repeated. “I am buying myself and he is the one getting me.”

Kenma found the last burst of a nonexistent courage inside of him and stared at his savior. Kuroo was looking directly into his eyes, not down on him, but straight ahead, despite the height difference, especially in those heels.

He kicked them off, silently asking Kenma if he can touch him.

“Thank you, Bokuto, thank you, Kageyama. I will take it from here, enjoy the rest of the night.” Kuroo touched Kenma, lightly. Maybe he was afraid he could break him.

He could never break him.

“I hope they didn´t ruin your night,” Kuroo said, walking down the street in the cold breeze.

“I could say the same,” Kenma mumbled.

Kuroo laughed, but it didn´t reach his eyes. “Trust me. Months ago, I would enjoy the heck out of it. Today? It was for him.”

“I don´t mind,” Kenma said unexpectedly.

“Ohoho?” Kuroo seemed pleased with himself. “Did you want to buy someone?”

“I gave all my money to Kageyama. For Shouyou.” Kenma stepped closer to Kuroo, hoping he wouldn´t notice. “This suits you. But you look funny.” Also, he would never admit how glad he was. Without money, he could never afford to auction him.

And he really, honestly, truly, wanted just that.

“Where do you want to go?” Kuroo asked, standing in front of their apartment building.

“Home,” Kenma whispered and Kuroo happily obliged.

 

* * *

 

 

You will be the death of me, Kozume Kenma. You will be the death of me.

The death I welcome with the open arms.

You will be the life of me, Kuroo Tetsurou. You will be the life of me.

The life that I will cherish with the embrace of my heart.

 

And as I am falling for you,

You stand there thinking of the past.

As I am falling for you,

You sit there, dreaming of the future.

I am falling for you,

You lay there, sensing the present.

 

* * *

 

 

“I really wanted to see you perform all of it,” Kenma wished to say. He couldn´t muster the bravery for a feeling so personal.

Kuroo seemed to be preoccupied with Kenma´s game collection, so the hesitation went unnoticed. “So, what do you want to do? As the rules stated, nothing kinky, but it all depends on us. Honestly, I am so done, that I am open to an…”

The brush got into Kuroo´s face. Poor guy, he thought he´d be able to tame this? “Sorry, but you can do nothing with this hair. It´s…”

“Not you. Me.” Kenma wasn´t waiting for an answer. Although, Kuroo technically bought himself out, Kenma should be the one choosing the activity and so he did.

Kuroo smiled widely. “I am happy to do it. Ehm… do you have any clothes I can change into? I don´t think this is appropriate, anymore. Or… ever. Ooor, I can jump upstairs and…”

Kenma shook his head. “Wait.” He didn´t think this through, staring into their closets. Everything would be small on him, Kenma and Hinata were nowhere near his size, even with oversized clothing. Kageyama might work. He was big enough, right? Kenma found clothes similar to pyjamas. Kuroo started undressing right in front of him, while Kenma stood there, motionless, unable to speak.

“Don´t worry, no stripping. Not today.”

That was not the thing that Kenma stared at. The dragon tattoo of black and red colors on his back got him like a strong wave in a heavy sea. The art was beautiful, intricate, and out of this world.

He reached with his fingers, touching the red places. Kuroo shivered, his skin full of fresh goosebumps. Kuroo turned and dressed quickly.

Kenma jumped closer to the door. “Sorry.” He was genuinely scared of overstepping the boundaries.

“No, that´s fine. I am not used to… those types of touches.”

What types of touches? Kenma was really out of the loop.

“Our friend, Yachi-san from school did that. She is also a make up artist. All of it in her spare time. She is studying a dental hygiene as Yamaguchi, so… I don´t know why I am telling you this. If you will ever want to get a tattoo, she is your person.” Kuroo beamed with pride.

With that out of the way, Kenma sat down on the floor, playing his game, while Kuroo brushed his hair, braided it, touching it as much as he could.

 

 

Kuroo was having the time of his life. He was trying a braided crown this time. He was good at it since he styled his mom´s hair so many times for so many occasions. God bless those YouTube tutorials. “May I ask when is your birthday?”

“You may.”

Kuroo expected the answer was coming, he was wrong. “Uhm… so… I am asking you?”

“Okay.” Kenma´s game character died, falling onto some sharp spikes. “Oh… you may ask, yes. But birthdays don´t matter, do they? It´s just one more year closer to death.”

Kuroo chuckled. “Aren´t you an optimist, heh?”

Kenma pressed - play again, then rubbed the left side of his head.

“Are you okay?”

Kenma leaned into him, destroying the masterpiece on his head. “Migraine. I think I am getting it.”

“Oh no… come on, lay down, here, drink some water.”

“Water? What? Never. I would barf.”

“Kenma. Water can help you. If you drink enough water, you might prevent this and…”

“Kuroo?” Kenma said desperately. “Just help, please?”

There was no chance in hell he would say no to those deep, yellow and kind eyes. “Come on, lay down.” Kenma let Kuroo touch him in any way he needed. One swift motion was enough to cover him in a blanket, close the curtains and switch off the lights. “This is going with me.” Kenma´s game was confiscated. He let out a groan, but otherwise didn´t protest.

“Do you have any lavender or tea tree oil?” Kuroo was eyeing his things, not daring to look further without permission.

Kenma watched him in a surprise. Why did he care so much? “No.”

“Give me a minute. Where are your keys? I´ll be right back.” That wasn´t a lie. Kuroo came back in less than five minutes, obviously running all the way up and down, not taking an elevator. He opened a small bottle full of liquid. “Hope you don´t mind.” Kuroo put some drops on his finger and spread it under Kenma´s nose, then around his temples. “It should help ease the migraine. I will give you more, after the massage. Turn around, please.”

 

 

Kenma did as he asked. He obviously knew what he was doing, which weirded him out a bit. “Do you… experience them?”

Kuroo stiffened with the massage oil in his hands. “Uhm… my mom used to have migraines, after a lot of stress and hard physical activity, so I did my research and tried everything I could. The medicine didn´t help, so natural remedy it was. And…”

“That´s fine,” Kenma exhaled, not needing to hear any more. He was really too pure for this godforsaken world.

“Migraines sometimes result from the stress, compiling the toxins somewhere in your back. With you playing games with that terrible posture of yours and not drinking enough water, this might be it. I have no idea what you eat, so that might also be a culprit.”

Kenma sighed. “Will you get rid of it?” He could feel it getting stronger. If Kuroo wasn´t be able to help him, it would turn worse and no one wants to see, or experience that. His sight was getting narrower and even a hint of light made him nauseous.

Kuroo bolted away, getting back with a bucket, reading Kenma´s mind. “Here. If you need to throw up, it´s right there.”

On cue, Kenma did just that. “Sorry.”

“Yeah, because I think you should have swallowed it back,” Kuroo snapped, surprising himself. “I didn´t mean it the way it sounded.”

Kenma smiled. “No, I know. I meant… sorry you have to be here for this.”

“How often does it happen?” Kuroo asked, massaging Kenma´s naked back.

“Um… after panic attacks? Sometimes.” Kenma hid his face into the pillow.

“I should hit a mall, they might still be open. There is a small health shop with homemade soaps and stuff like that. You need a special pillow, those with spelt that help with headaches and migraines. They fit in the right places and…”

Kenma groaned in pain. Kuroo pushed close to his left shoulder blade. There was a sound of stiff clump cracking, making him grunt in pain.

“I guess I found the spot. Now, Kenma, hold on. I will try to push even more, it needs to get warmed, so the lump will start to loosen, right?” Kuroo sounded so worried, Kenma could not stop him. He wanted to, but didn´t.

Kenma clasped Kuroo´s knee, ready to scratch him as a cat.

It wasn´t only Kenma who was grunting in pain.

Miracle happened and Kuroo´s tough love helped. “Better?” Kuroo checked, for a change massaging his own leg.

Kenma felt relieved, but he was getting sleepy. Very sleepy… “Yes.”

“Now drink.”

Kenma opened his eyes, feeling Kuroo bolstering him up with one hand, and the second one tried to get at least a bit of fresh water into him. After everything, Kenma didn´t dare to argue with him.

“Now you may sleep. I can go, or I stay until your friends come, it´s up to you. I won´t steal, don´t worry, quite the opposite. I will leave you with the lavender oil, here, have some more, or if you´d like, I also have a tea tree oil. What smells better for you.”

“You…” Kenma mumbled, almost asleep, not realizing he said it out loud.

Kuroo stood there motionless, with two small bottles in his palms. He closed the distance between him and Kenma´s bed. “Alright. Alright…” he breathed out, moving some of the hair away from his face.”Sleep tight, kitten.”

 

 

He wandered through the dark apartment, Kenma´s cute roommates were nowhere to be seen. He hoped they were enjoying the night, because Kuroo certainly was, which he counted as a win.

There was a computer in the corner of their living room, so he sat down and switched it, checking if the volume was off. The first thing he noticed, was the icon for the game of Sims. Heh, how nice. This game was always good for killing time and especially, you couldn´t lose. His hand hesitated with the worry of destroying Kenma´s whole virtual household. No, he can´t be that bad at playing games, right?

The curiosity got better of him. There were two prominent households, one had to be Hinata´s, the other, simpler one was Kenma´s. There were some more of them, these two being the biggest and newest ones.

Kuroo smiled. Nekoma household was full of cats and three people living there. Blond girl, their child and girl´s husband with short, dark hair that couldn´t be tamed without the use of the hypothetical magical spell. In all honesty, that also might not be enough.

He eyed their names, Shiro, Kenka and Apple. The child was named Apple? Thankfully, it was just a game. “Nice.” Kuroo tried to build his own household, when the game crashed. He quickly got up. “I guess that´s a sign.” He turned around, pretty sure Kenma´s sixth sense would wake him up, warning him about someone destroying his sanctuary. Nothing, still quiet.

Kenma had to be absolutely exhausted.

Kuroo was also close to falling down as a sack of potatoes, when he saw it. Under the computer table, hidden behind the older games, were some photos resting, forgotten. There was a thin layer of dust on them, so they probably didn´t care much about the photographs themselves, or the people on them. Maybe they were too lazy to tidy up around there. With their three roommates, any of it could be true.

“Keiji?” Kuroo asked of the loneliness surrounding him. He wasn´t mistaken. Keiji and Kenma on the train, with two fingers in the frame, that had to belong to the person taking the picture, probably Shrimpy.

They knew each other.

 

 

Kenma got up thirsty and hungry, the sign of a migraine slowly leaving him alone. He got up, looking for Kuroo. It was still dark outside, Shouyou and Kageyama still unlocated at their home. With them, you never knew what could happen.

“Kuroo?” Of course, he wouldn´t stay. Why would he? He had his own life and this was supposed to be fun. He was supposed to have fun with his best friend in town.

Then he saw him, sitting in the armchair by the window, his eyes visible thanks to the bit of a moonlight shining through the curtains. He clutched something in his arms.

Kenma recognized the picture even in the dimness of the room. “Kuroo, I…”

The man stood up. “You seem to be fine, so I will be leaving. I just… I didn´t go through your things, I just… I…” He showed him the picture. “Do you know who this is?”

Kenma nodded.

“Do you know he is… was…”

He nodded again.

“I am not angry, don´t look at me like that, please.” He got closer. Kenma all of a sudden wished he would kiss him, right at that moment. Kenma wished he could do it, stupor and common sense didn´t let him. “I really, really like you, Kozume Kenma. I always did and I do and… in another life… another time… I can´t, not like this. Not with him in the picture, no pun intended.” Kuroo came as close as he could, leaning down, giving Kenma the sweetest kiss on his forehead.

The door opened.

Kenma struggled to breathe.

“You are a work of art, Kenma. Truly, you are.”

The door closed.

Kenma let the heavy breath out, hand on his mouth, shock spreading inside of his chest. The vulnerable heart of his was breaking.

 

 

Kuroo´s steps were slowly finding its way to the third floor. “If it is supposed to happen, it will happen. We met before, without trying.” He wished for this to become a truth, Kuroo loved getting to know him.

Around Kenma, everything was so easy to understand. The world made sense when Kenma was in reach. The life itself had a little bit more meaning, even love didn´t sound like any distant, alien concept.

“Are you okay?” Tsukishima asked, still awake (or already awake), doing some work on his computer.

What was he supposed to say? “No.” He threw the photo into his lap. “They know each other. And I can´t do it like this. I thought I could, I know this night was Bokuto´s idea to… but I don´t know.”

Tsukishima put away his homework and looked straight at the Kuroo. “Are you sure you don´t know? Or are you just running away? He may know him, but he is not him.” He stood up, showing of his tallness. “Is it bothering you, that he didn´t tell you? Because…”

“No, I get that. I know why he kept quiet. At least, I think I know.” He was waiting for his own courage to speak up. He would come clean, sooner or later, no doubt. Kenma had his own way of doing things and Kuroo let him.

“Then? You are not a coward, Tetsurou. You are annoying, but not a coward.”

Kuroo pouted. “Damn you, Tsukki. I really taught you well, didn´t I?”

“Pupil overcame his master? What else did you expect? And don´t call me Tsukki.” He got back to his homework.

Kuroo brushed his hair from that silly Bokuto´s glitter and threw himself onto the bed. “I´ll be damned.”

 

 

The sun was just waking up, when the keys rattled and the door opened. Finally, they lived through the night! Kenma laid in bed, not ready to get up and face them. Therefore, he put the duvet over his head, ready to sleep for couple more hours. The migraine, although gone, drained him off all of his energy.

Kenma also wasn´t in a mood to listen to Kageyama and Shouyou fighting about something insignificant. Good ol´times. Kenma tried to fall asleep, when the lightweight fell by his side.

“He is one big piece of a shit today, really.” Shouyou tried to move Kenma to the side. “Kenmaaa… it´s ten o´clock, why are you…”

“Next time, text me,” Kenma said, turned away from him with signs of anger in his voice.

Shouyou got quiet and he never understood the concept of quiet. “Everything fine?”

“I should be the one asking. Gone all night, then you come back at this ungodly hour, leaving me alone and…” Kenma sniffed. “I don´t even know how the auction ended. And I don´t even wanna know. And…”

Shouyou caressed his hair. “Something happened?”

“No,” he mumbled.

“You have a beautiful braid. Or what´s left of it.”

“Thank you.” Another sniff.

“Scooch,” Hinata commanded, carefully laying by his side in the small place made just for him.

Kenma, with eyes closed, whispered: “I don´t know what´s happening to me, Shouyou. I don´t get it.”

Those big bright eyes were watching him, smiling with love. Kenma didn´t need to see it to know that it´s happening. “I don´t either. But I am here if you need me.”

“You are the best.”

 

 

Days went by slowly, days went by quickly.

Kenma buried himself in the games and in school work, unwillingly.

Kuroo drowned himself in books recommended by Tsukishima, one more absurd and cynical than the other.

Weeks ran away like they were racing each other in the Olympics.

Their accidental meetings were quiet, dubious, painted in regret, sometimes in relief.

Kenma stopped on the way to school, crouching to get the small pink flower blooming by the sidewalk. After that, no day has passed by without him having a flower in his hair, behind his ear, in his ponytail, or as a part of a braid that Shouyou taught himself how to do (hint, it wasn´t very good, but better than nothing).

Flowers became the staple accessory of his, not caring how many eyes watched him. That was the only time he didn´t feel anxious. It felt like this action wasn´t for him, but a dedication to the memories and caring atmosphere that made him feel safe. And when alone, he tried for a flower crown, hanging by his window as a prize to be cherished forever.

He never wore it outside, his missing fearlessness wouldn´t let him, but he kept it. Kenma believed, he would one day fight through it.

Kuroo stopped by the flower shop on the way to work, picking up a flower, reminding him of Kenma, sometimes picking up a flower reminding him of Keiji, or even Bokuto. Once he got the flowers for Tsukki and Yamaguchi.

It became a habit, part of his routine, picking flowers emphasizing the goodness of the world. They helped him to remember that even what was once destroyed may be healed, if the right approach was provided.

Kenma fell the migraine creeping in. Slowly and painfully. He laid in his bed, smelling the gifted lavender oil, trying to massage his back with the help of door handle. Every time his head hurt as the living hell, he thought of Kuroo, his gentle touches, the need to help him, to rid him of this cursed experience.

Kuroo watched his own reflection in the mirror, trying to fight against his hair one more time. After seeing himself in the work the other day, his own “hairstyle” scared him. So much for getting used to it. As he brushed the unyielding strands, he thought of Kenma. He liked it, right? He never said anything…

He found himself on the first floor, approaching his neighbour´s door. His hand was close to knocking, when he stopped.

No. This wasn´t the right time. Not yet.

 

 

But if not today, then when?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I am updating it all at once, there is nothing much I can add in here, only well wishes for anyone reading this :) 
> 
> Thank you for your feedback :)


	4. KISSING THE KNIPHOFIA UVARIA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love it, he thought.  
> I love spending time with you, he answered in stillness.  
> You make it all easier.

“I missed this,” Bokuto admitted with a pout, laying down in the middle of the ostensibly abandoned road. Traffic lights flickered in orange, since it was a middle of the night.

Their hands and legs were spread so far, they touched each other, holding hands and looking up at the cloudy skies.

Kuroo felt like a high schooler again, no responsibilities, no silly emotions, no gravity of life. Just him, his best friend and the vacant roads with colorful lights shining over their heads. “I missed this too.”

“Just don´t fall asleep. Do you remember the last time? You promised to listen to incoming cars and we both dozed off. That was not so much fun.” Bokuto laughed, his reaction not matching his words.

Kuroo nudged him. “Come on. That´s the reason we started doing that.”

“Yeah,” Bokuto sighed. “Those poor drivers. We were so stupid! I would kill us, if it was the other way around.”

“Yeah. That´s why we are here, the traffic is practically non existent.” Kuroo sat up, staring ahead into nothingness.

Bokuto did the same, his eyes then settling on Kuroo. “Can I see the picture?”

“No need.” Kuroo didn´t understand his own decision to erase Akaashi Keiji, not from his own life, he would never do something so atrocious. He simply didn´t want him to exist for other people Kuroo knew. Keiji should mean nothing to them, at least as his ex-boyfriend. “I want a clean slate for him, you know?”

Bokuto nodded, but who knew if he understood. “How do you know what you are looking for? I think I need someone who will be able to ground me, but… is it someone I need? How do you…”

“You don´t. You just stumble on it and then hope it will work out.”

“So… just hope?” Bokuto gently slapped his own cheeks. “That is a concept I can work with. But what are you looking for? Now, when even the hope isn´t enough.”

First thing coming to Kuroo´s mind was Kenma. “Still the same hope, I guess.” He put his head into Bokuto´s lap. “Someone kind, caring, patient, anyone able to put up with my hair and my craziness, well, our craziness, since you are like my other half, so this is a package deal. And… someone who can love me with everything they have.”

“It is tough to love the way you do, you know? You go all in.”

“So do you.”

“I don´t know that, I haven´t…”

“I know.” Kuroo stared at him. “That´s why we could never work. That would mean apocalypse. Nah, I want only one thing - for the other person to love me as much as their heart and soul allows them. I know I give too much, but that´s who I am. I love with all of my being, and I wish to be loved with all of their being. The amount then becomes irrelevant, if we both give it our all.”

Bokuto took him inside of his arms and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

“And the small things. Small things… doing something for me out of their comfort zone, if only once in a blue moon, you know…”

Bokuto hugged him so tight, Kuroo was sure his eyes would pop out. “Um, you do realize this description is getting close to that one person we know, right?”

Kuroo´s breath hitched. “Maybe.”

“Car… caaar!” Bokuto shouted theatrically, pulling Kuroo to the side.

“Are you crazy? It was just one car!” They were both already laughing.

 

 

“Go and ask him!” Shouyou pestered him about his tooth pain for the whole day.

“Don´t you have school?” Kenma muttered under his breath, palm on the side of his cheek.

Shouyou crossed his arms, looking menacing even with his height. Maybe it was because of Kenma laying in bed in self pity and Hinata towering over him. “Don´t you have school? Bakageyama, come help me convince him!”

“No.” Kenma turned to the wall.

Shouyou sighed and sat down to the floor. “That tooth hurts you for a second day in a row. We know someone who can do it promptly. Or… I… I can ask Tsukishima, if he can help.”

“He is still a student,” Kenma refused.

“Exactly. I overheard him yesterday, at the mailboxes. You can get your tooth checked for free right now and then make an appointment, but you know who…”

“No,” Kenma was adamant about his decision.

“He is not the only dentist in town, people!” Kageyama shouted from the kitchen, cooking food that was burning. “Aw, not again…”

Shouyou jumped up. “Hey, Bakageyama, don´t destroy that!”

Kenma was left alone, so his soul could rest in peace again.

Not for long, since the tooth ache got even worst. Kenma got up, realizing it´s too late. Ten o´clock in the evening arrived so quickly, he started to believe he was either still asleep, or he time traveled.

“Oh, no…” The pain was unbearable. It was like someone tried to crawl out of his mouth. Everything hurt, cold, warm, even breathing.

He didn´t want for this to happen, but the ache was killing him. Kenma was too close to pulling the tooth out himself, he even tried to claw at it. Thankfully, Shouyou was shadowing him, making sure he´ll get the help he needs.

It was Yamaguchi, who opened the door. Seeing Kenma holding his cheek and Shouyou expressing all the worry, he knew exactly what was going on. “Kuroo?” Yamaguchi shouted into the apartment. “Do you have time?”

Kuroo´s head popped between the doors, also realizing the problem right away. “Yep, let´s go.”

“Do you need any help?” Yamaguchi asked, eyeing seemingly uninterested Tsukishima. He was listening for the smallest hints, if Kuroo really needed him. Yamaguchi smiled, admiring his dedication, even when he tried to hide it.

“Nope, I will check it and then let you know, if it might be that bad. Thank you for the offer.” Kuroo took his jacket, car keys and closed the door.

Kenma watched him, not showing any sign of a surprise that he felt spreading all over him. No questions, no idle talks. How was he so lucky meeting a person like this? He would be blessed, if he could call this man a friend.

Right now, he was his savior.

“You can come with us.” Kuroo motioned with his hand towards the empty seat in the car. “If you are not a kleptomaniac, of course.”

Shouyou moved his hands hastily. “No, no, no, no. No, thank you, I have to keep an eye on Bakageyama. He is trying to cook.”

Kenma groaned. “Uh, yeah. I would like to have a home when I get back. If I get back, ouch…”

“Don´t be so dramatic, people. Let´s go.”

Kenma was sure this was going to be his last day on Earth. Kenma hoped for a merciful death. Yes, the pain was horrendous, but the bill was going to be even worse. It turned out his tooth made a decision to visit the other world, forever.

“That´s why it is so painful. The nerves are all dead, I have to take them out.” Kuroo prepared all the machines and tools. This was not good, the cost would be too high for him. “You are lucky that I specialize in this. Unfortunately, this practice isn´t mine, so I can´t do it for free. I can offer you a discount, but…”

“Just do it, please.” Kenma had enough. He would deal with the rest later.

“Are you willing to live with a dead tooth for some time?” Kuroo asked after a while of preparations. “I can take the nerves out, fill it in and leave it at that, no new tooth needed. You will have to be careful with eating hard food. It could break, since a dead tooth isn´t so strong. Foods like nuts, chocolate might be a problem.”

Kenma gave him a stare of desperation. “Kuroo. It´s not just the tooth that is dying here. Stop the pain, please or I will jump out of that window. That tooth is deep inside, so I don´t care if it stays or not.”

“Yep, you are right, let´s get on it. Sorry, work habits.” Kuroo took out the needle. “With your pain threshold, I guess I can give you an anesthetic, right?”

Kenma´s eyes widened. “That´s not even a question.”

It still hurt a bit, but anesthetics made it a lot more bearable. And when those fizzled off, Kenma was prepared for the worst. “Whatever you did, I am eternally indebted to you,” Kenma said seriously, standing in front of Kuroo´s apartment door.

The watch on his wrist changed from 23.59 to 00.00. “Anytime. You should have come sooner.”

Kenma frowned. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

 

 

Kuroo opened his eye, thankful for the Saturday. Someone was knocking on the door, then ringing the bell. It was too quiet and too short, which could mean only one person. He stood up, dressed in his old jersey and shorts, looking for his roommates. The note on the table said - the library.

“Great.” Kuroo opened without checking.

Kenma was still in his pyjamas, rubbing the side of his head. “Do you have any of those oils, please?”

“You already used them?” Kuroo asked in a shock, letting him come inside.

Kenma nodded. “I think it is the anes…” He ran towards the sink. The sounds weren´t a sign of anything good.

Kuroo ran to the bathroom, picking up the last tea tree oil he owned - usually for the bug bites - and gave it to Kenma. “Come on, let´s lay you down.”

“No,” Kenma tried to fight him off, trembling all over. Migraines really took a toll on him, on anyone.

“Do you see well?” No, he didn´t. He saw a shiny aura around Kuroo´s body, he could tell by his pupils. “No one is home, it will be fine. I will let Shrimpy know.” And with that, Kuroo took care of him, as usual.

How did he deserve this?

 

* * *

 

 

Hearts can be shattered, but can´t be killed.

If you don´t believe that, one day you will.

Getting up and fighting helps to make it real,

Standing the ground with confidence, creates the desire to feel.

 

Do you believe you are not deserving?

Where does it stem from?

Do you believe there is no worth to you?

Where is this rumor spreading from?

You deserve everything,

You are worthy,

Despite of many mistakes,

In spite of pain and hate,

There has to be someone, some existence to hold you in its embrace.

 

* * *

 

 

“I wanted to.” Kenma didn´t try to finish the sentence.

Kuroo easily figured out what he meant by it. “We don´t have to talk about it. I only wanna know, how long did you know him? I mean… that it was him?”

“Not right away.” Kenma was feeling better, migraine being more tolerable. “I figured it out from the way he talked about you. And then with you and… I was ready to speak to him about you, but…” I haven´t seen him yet. Not on the train. “I don´t know if he is even alive.”

“He is.” Kuroo tried to darken the room, so the daylight would dimm a little. Kenma´s condition needed it. “Are you friends?”

Kenma shrugged. “Don´t know. I thought so. Nothing…” special? That would be a lie.

Kuroo ruffled his hair, then brought a wet napkin, putting it on his forehead. “Try to rest more. You said those migraines can take up to three days.”

“Not when I am throwing up. Then it is only a day.” Kenma yawned.

“Doesn´t matter. Rest.”

Kenma listened to his command, waking up after another two hours of surprisingly deep sleep. He sat up, looking around, trying to remember where he was. He got thirsty, so he visited the kitchen. The apartment was almost empty, Kenma felt ashamed taking up so much of Kuroo´s time and space.

He jumped up, hearing a loud snore coming from the living room. Kuroo fell asleep with his head on the table and a drool falling down the corner of his mouth. Kenma smiled at the sight, regretting not having the phone.

That´s when he realized that he has no idea about his hobbies. Yes, he loved volleyball and exercising in general, especially running. Sometimes he caught a glimpse of him in the morning, while playing the games. What else? Maybe that was it? Not that it wasn´t enough. Even Kenma´s hobbies could be counted on five fingers of his hand.

Kenma sat in the armchair, gazing at the Marvel dvd collection right next to a playstation. His heart started racing, fingers were trembling from the anticipation. Could he…?

“Don´t you think about that,” Kuroo said, not moving.

How long was he awake?

“I woke up the moment you walked in. I am a very light sleeper, especially in situations like this.” Kuroo snapped his neck and fingers. “Do you need anything? Water. I am sure you still drink zero of H2O, right?”

Kenma didn´t bother to answer. As he waited for the drink, his eyes darted to the window. Did they always have so many flowers? Lilies, real lavenders, some orchids.

“Those are Yamaguchi´s. Well… lilies are technically mine, but… he is the one taking care of them. I forget and Tsukki says he doesn´t have time, but… I saw him spraying them once, making them all pretty and shiny.” Kuroo switched the television on. “I shouldn´t be doing this, but you are an adult. If you say your migraine is gone and this won´t make it worse, I will listen.”

Kenma knew his situation pretty well. Somehow, his soul didn´t want to disappoint Kuroo, so there was no way he would dare to lie, to him. “It´s fine. I will tell you, if it changes.”

“Good.” Kuroo was picking a movie, when the question came.

“How do you always know what I am thinking?” Kenma was afraid of the answer.

Kuroo straightened his back, thinking. “I just do.” It seemed he remembered something. “I couldn´t with him.”

“Strange,” Kenma admitted.

“Indeed.” Kuroo turned to him, confused. “I never thought of it this way. So similar, yet so different,” he mumbled, more for himself. “Oh, I was thinking about those migraines of yours. Do you know that not only water helps? You might try to do some exercising. I personally prefer running, although I have no one to run with…” He furrowed his brows. “That´s not the point. Kenma, you have to move, for the sake of your health and that head of yours. It´s too smart and too precious to be suffering like that.”

Kenma wanted to argue, but what about? He was right. “I sometimes see you go for a run. Mornings, right?”

“Monday to Friday precisely at five. The best feeling in the world. Quiet, empty, great for contemplating or not thinking at all. Keiji liked to run, never with me…” Kuroo jerked his head, trying to get rid of those memories. He threw himself on the couch, spreading his body all over. “You can sit by my side. Or lay on top of me, you are light enough!”

Was he teasing? Making fun of him? Because, Kenma would love to do just that.

“I am serious. Whatever you like.”

Kenma got up, surprising even Kuroo, who invited him. “I like the best seats in the house.” They smiled. “Is there anything else you like to do?” Kenma asked, waiting for the movie to start.

Kuroo´s hand hesitated to press play. “What about you?”

No way he wouldn´t ask the same question, after being grilled by Kenma himself. “Uhm… sometimes… I sometimes sing, but I am no good at it. I like the motion and… some songs are simply… they get to you. To the deep core of you.”

“I would love to hear it one day. I couldn´t care else about the ability. If someone loves to sing, then they should sing.” Kuroo almost pressed play.

“And what about this hair of yours?” Kenma asked, his body on top of him and hands in his hair. In a position like this, he felt powerful, able to do anything he wanted. Interesting turn of events for him.

Kuroo pouted. “Not fair! It´s my bed hair and it´s uncooperative.”

“We´ll see,” Kenma hissed, asking for a brush or comb.

“Movie first, dammit.”

First Avengers finished with both of them falling asleep.

 

 

“Don´t worry, I didn´t forget.” Kenma fought against the biggest yawn, then got up to visit the bathroom.

Kuroo considered the time, three in the afternoon. Where were those two for so long? He found a text message from Yamaguchi, informing him they´ll be late. Ah, how he didn´t miss the finals and studying from early morning to the late night. “What are you doing?” Kuroo asked warily, watching Kenma with a brush, comb and Yamaguchi´s hair gel.

“Trying the impossible.” And as Kenma started, he laughed and laughed, making Kuroo blush to that heavenly sound. “At least now you know, how I feel all the time.”

Kuroo smiled. When did this man become so comfortable around him? Kenma was always keeping his distance, physically and metaphorically. Today was different. It seemed they broke through any barriers holding them both back.

Or was it a change in Kuroo? Did his aura finally opened for others to let them in?

“Why do you spend so much time with me? Not counting the… the other times.” Kuroo´s curiosity peaked, when Kenma wasn´t answering. “Sorry. You don´t have to.”

Kenma continued brushing his hair, lost in a thought. “This is stupid.”

 

 

I love it, he thought.

I love spending time with you, he answered in stillness.

You make it all easier.

 

 

Two days passed, being it Tuesday, five in the morning. Kuroo did all of his stretches, when he saw him coming. Kenma dragged himself outside of the building, copying Kuroo´s moves.

“So, now you are not alone, but I have to warn you, I am a snail.”

Kuroo had a hunch he was lying. “Don´t forget the hair.” There was no time wasting. He proceeded to tie Kenma´s, even longer hair into the bun. “There, beautiful.”

He came running with him. He really came, without any implications he should, or had to. Kuroo didn´t care for the reasons. His heart sang, soul flew high into the skies, body trembled with excitement and gratitude.

Kenma lied. He was a very good runner, when he wanted to be. Kuroo was pretty sure, he won´t see him the next morning and he was right. Kenma came back the day after, on Thursday, then showed up every other day.

“My body hurts. Don´t expect me tomorrow.” While running, Kenma cursed in ways even Kuroo didn´t dare to.

This was so much fun.

After two weeks, Kenma ran with him every day.

The distance got longer, until they reached the meadow where they shared some alone time before, in a depth of the warm summer night. Kenma was bending, palms resting on the knees, catching his breath.

“Everything okay?” Kuroo asked worried.

“I think… this was too much for me.”

Kuroo had to agree. He didn´t mean to, but it seemed Kenma wasn´t ready to turn around, yet. “Come on, get up!” Kuroo crouched, letting Kenma climb onto his back. At another time of his life, this would remind him of a similar experience with Akaashi Keiji. Today belonged to the present, to Kenma.

Long haired man hesitated and protested. Kuroo refused to move an inch. “I am taking you home, Kenma.”

 

 

He watched him walking slowly into the bathroom. Kuroo stood right outside, telling Kageyama to check on him. “We ran too far, he wasn´t ready.”

“You can stay, we don´t mind.” Kageyama was cooking again, this time he tried for the breakfast.

“We?” Shrimpy asked, his body nowhere in sight.

Kageyama noticed the question in his voice. “Hinata is sulking, again. Kenma never runs with him.”

“Aren´t you two running together?”

“That doesn´t change the fact that Kozume-san does not run with him.” Kageyama took the breakfast, taking in to Shrimpy´s room. “Anything else?” He asked before leaving Kuroo in their apartment, waiting for Kenma to finish his shower.

Kuroo raised eyebrows, thinking. “How long do you know him?”

“Hinata or Kozume?”

“Kenma.”

“Since before the uni, I guess.”

Kuroo sighed. “Never mind. Maybe I will ask Shrimpy.”

“Okay.” Kageyama opened the door to Hinata´s room.

Kuroo came closer. “I just don´t get it. I tried so hard in high school, so… why does Kenma… why now, I…”

Shrimpy´s head peaked in. “That´s because you said no.”

“Shut up, you idiot!” Kageyama hissed.

“No,” Hinata frowned. “I am done with this. Yes, I shouldn´t tell you. The first time you didn´t notice him, didn´t pay him any attention, felt weird to him. He didn´t like it. Something moved him and you know the rest better than us.” Hinata´s head slipped back inside of the room.

Kuroo looked for the assurance of those words in Kageyama. His stoic expression was enough. “Thank you.”

“Don´t be loud,” Kageyama pleaded.

“What?” Kuroo was left alone, shower stopping, Kenma humming.

He wanted to desperately come inside, hug him, kiss him, pour the admiration all over him. His mind conjured the memories of Kenma´s posture in the meadow, just an hour ago.

Kenma, standing there catching his breath, his lean body tightened up from running. Strands of his dark hair falling down from the bun, changing into a messy ponytail, light breeze flowing it around his face. Small palms holding his knees, keeping himself together.

Golden eyes watching the grass, then Kuroo´s dark eyes, seeing right into him, asking silently for something to hold onto.

Kuroo put a hand over his mouth. So same, yet so different. Kenma started singing louder, the shower being on again. He had to get out of this place. Kuroo had to leave.

His body was dried up, but cold because of the sweat. He jumped into his own shower, that took him about three minutes. Kuroo was fidgety, he had to go to work, to be productive. The world was spinning too fast. Was it the fear talking?

No. Kuroo has no reasons to be afraid. The rain started pouring down.

Kuroo looked out of the window, taking it as a sign.

“Are you stupid?” Tsukki asked, leaving the apartment for school.

“Excuse me?” There was no elaboration. Kuroo knew he was right. With that, he followed his footsteps, opening the door. “Kenma?” Rain stopped.

They didn´t speak. Kuroo moved and Kenma came in, sitting on his bed, Kuroo joining him. “I tried to fight. For you. Us. I don´t know any better.” Kenma´s voice was soft and peaceful, sounding like a last resort, the last straw for his battle to win Kuroo´s affection.

Kuroo watched his angelic face. “May I kiss you?”

Both of them cried.

Kenma felt something new and good and adventurous.

Kuroo felt something new and old and fufilling.

He gave him a hope for more. He showed him the choices and the ability for heart to mend itself.

Although, it was Kenma who stood by his side, trying to help, it was Kuroo´s willingness to try again, not to give up on the biggest dream of his life.

Kuroo was a hopeless romantic, Kuroo was the king,

And Kenma… Kenma could be his queen, another king, prince, princess, the whole kingdom, or the key.

“You are such a kind soul, Kozume Kenma.”

 

 

Kenma reached for a dying lily in the vase, picking it up and putting it in his hair. Then his fingers changed course, ruffling through Kuroo´s terrible bed head. “May I try again?” He asked teasingly.

“Never.” Kuroo laughed, but gave him the comb anyway.

As Kenma played with Kuroo´s hair, since nothing else was to be accomplished with this monstrosity, he asked: “Do you know the meaning of the flower called Kniphofia uvaria?”

“No.”

Kenma continued brushing in silence, not giving him an answer. Kuroo didn´t press him. He could look it up later. The time passed in its own pace, when Kenma started singing in a low, sweet voice, that wasn´t flat at all, quite the opposite was true.

 

 

He listened, he daydreamed, he loved.

Kniphofia uvaria. Kuroo googled the meaning later that night. His eyes widened with the utmost appreciation.

My love burns for you.

“I think my love might burn for you too.”

 

* * *

 

 

Let us burn together, let us reach the skies,

Let´s hide in the smoke and mirrors, let´s get out all the cries.

I cry with love for you, smile with the pride,

I write how I fell for you, sing to you as we fly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These last two chapters have names inspired by flowers, the chapter before has it´s meaning right in the title, this chapter has it explained in the story itself, as you can see :)
> 
> tumblr: insomniamagic


	5. KITTEN AND THE KING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Build on the memories,  
> Build on the past,  
> Use what you lost,  
> To create with what you got.  
> Everything matters,  
> Every little thing.  
> So go on, we will wait here,  
> For your comeback, for your final win.

When we are wiser,

When we are older,

Our dream may burn,

But our mind may learn.

The end comes only if we let it,

The beginning won´t come if we shut it.

Turn around the corner and see,

There is always a presence waiting for me.

Be it a person, be it a thing,

Maybe an animal, maybe just a fling.

Our fate is ours to control,

So be wiser, be older,

Build on the memories,

Build on the past,

Use what you lost,

To create with what you got.

Everything matters,

Every little thing.

So go on, we will wait here,

For your comeback, for your final win.

 

* * *

 

 

At the unknown time and the unknown morning, in the same room and the same bed.

Kuroo watched Kenma being tangled up in the blanket with only the head top of his head and strands of hair peeking out. He carefully moved them a away, so Kenma could breathe properly. Also, he wanted to see his face.

He felt nothing, only admiration for this man. Their first meetings before the university were about having some fun and finding a friend, someone with a different perspective on living. Never, in a million years he would have guessed it could become a reality and so much more than that.

 

 

Kenma opened his eyes, feeling Kuroo thinking, staring. He said nothing, just smiled, not because of his hair. They shared a single bed in Kuroo´s apartment and Kenma couldn´t be happier. It made him so close to Kuroo it almost hurt with the excitement he felt.

You are a work of art, screamed Kenma´s thoughts, adoring Kuroo´s presence. You are a work of art and I will remind you of that wherever you are.

Kenma moved, trying to go to the bathroom. He got up, with only Kuroo´s oversized t-shirt on his body, covering him enough to safely leave the bedroom. There was no need to see Kuroo blush, he felt it.

“You are a work of art, Kenma. You know that, right?” Kuroo said out loud, reading Kenma´s thoughts one more time.

Kenma smiled.

 

 

Over the last couple of months, all the contact with Akaashi Keiji was lost to Kenma. No meetings on the train, they never tried to contact each other through other means such as social media.

Kenma knew he had to let him know. Would he still be using the same phone number? Would he answer his email, or any other message? What would be the best way to approach this issue?

He had to know. He had to. Not only for Kenma´s consciousness, but Keiji´s chance to move on. Akaashi loved Kuroo very much, so he also had to be hurting, right?

What if it would make Kuroo angry? Kenma sat on the toilet, thinking too much. His head wasn´t clear, but the thought was pestering him. What if Kuroo would yell at him for texting Akaashi, for speaking with him?

No. Kuroo would never get angry at him and he would never yell, that wasn´t his nature. Even if anger got to him, raising his voice up at Kenma wasn´t a possibility. Maybe if Kenma broke him down like a piece of a trash, which he would never do.

Never ever, even if this world was burning straight in hell.

Kenma came back to the room, Kuroo sitting on the edge of the bed. Shame, Kenma wanted to cuddle a bit longer.

“Here.” Kuroo said, giving him his phone. “I think… I remember you mentioning talking to him first. I think we… you should do it. I can´t.”

Kenma´s heartbeat fastened. Kuroo was prudent, as always. Kenma nodded, taking the phone.

 

 

Akaashi Keiji picked up. It wasn´t very hard to figure out the meaning of his call, but he did it anyway. Kenma didn´t speak much, his words were clear, sentences short, emotions pure and truthful.

“Good for you.” Akaashi smiled, clutching old Kuroo´s shirt close to his heart. “Good for both of you.”

“Keiji?” Kenma whispered, sounding a bit afraid.

Akaashi felt tears falling down his cheeks. It didn´t seem like that at first, but they were happy tears. “Kenma. If you are able to give him everything I couldn´t, then there is nothing more I can wish for. He deserves it.”

“What… about you?” Kenma wasn´t content, his trembling voice gave him out.

“I will look. And with a bit of luck, I will find it too.”

“Call me then?” Kenma asked, knowing they won´t see each other or hear from each other for a long time.

Akaashi smiled again. “Of course. Take care of him.”

“Thank you.”

Akaashi Keiji sat in a corner of his room, hugging his knees, crying and smiling and hoping for the best. So he really didn´t hear him, nor seen him that time, shouting on the platform in front of their train. It was raining day, his words being muted, his presence being obviously shrouded thanks to the drops burying him down under their weight and cries of loss.

Did it even happen? Is he entirely sure he arrived there and opened his mouth to speak? Akaashi wasn´t sure anymore. In the end, none of it mattered, he had only wished them well. “They can make it. They surely can.” With Tetsurou finding his hope again, Keiji could find it too.

 

 

“I have to ask…” Kuroo said finally, coming clean while watching Kenma play The Sims. “Is that supposed to be me?” He pointed the finger to a different household, Kenma was choosing right now.

His hand tensed before clicking the icon. “No?”

“I knew it,” Kuroo sneered. “Really subtle.”

“I wasn´t trying to be,” Kenma mumbled.

Kuroo laughed out loud, Kenma was afraid he is changing into a hyena or who knows what. “Yeah, right, Shiro.”

Kenma frowned. “Do you want me to call you Shiro?”

“No?” Kuroo stopped laughing, keeping only the low chuckle.

Kenma sighed. “Why do you ask, when you already know?”

“Because you are cute.”

I am cute? Okay. Kenma could live with that.

 

 

“Do you have any idea where would you like to go on our first, official date?” Kuroo asked, forbidden to touch Kenma´s computer ever again. Somehow, he managed to uninstall the whole game with just one click. Incredible.

Kenma seemed confused. “I think we are way past any official dates, right? After…”

“Okay. I want to take you out and…”

“I don´t need to go out,” Kenma hissed, reminding Kuroo of a cat.

“As you wish, my king.”

Kenma´s eyes widened. “No. Not a king. No.”

“Kitten?” Kuroo´s voice was hopeful.

“Eh…” Kenma refused to fight with him.

Kuroo took him into his arms, kissed the top of his head and whispered. “If you´d like, we can go upstairs and continue.”

“I would like that,” Kenma agreed, then pulled away. “But first, you have to do something with your new neighbors. I thought I got it bad with Yamamoto and Tanaka, but it is nothing compared to… that scary red haired man and the muscly tall guy who is always looking so menacing.”

Kuroo fought off another laugh. “You mean Akashi and Aomine? Trust me, their roommate ship won´t last long. They are both too strong headed.”

“And that guy with undercut? He always wears shiny stuff and wants me to dress up, because of my hair, eyes and body. And I am sure he is not gay.” Kenma seemed to be tired after so many words pouring out of him.

Kuroo hugged him. “JJ is eccentric, but he is nice, so is his girlfriend.”

“I need quiet people, you know? Like on my floor.”

Kuroo had to agree. Otabek was a very pleasant and quiet, the same could be said about a guy named Kuga and his roommate Kuroko, who spent most of his time with Aomine and Akashi anyway. “If I promise to take your mind and ears and whole body of yours off them? Will you go with me? The apartment is empty and yours is not.”

Kenma hugged him back, which meant resounding yes.

They walked through the halls, when the music blasted from someone´s apartment, probably Kohinata who lived with almost never present Miya twins. What a lucky guy.

“We haven´t danced at all, after the last time,” Kuroo mentioned without any expectations.

Kenma knew he was right. This music wasn´t exactly his jam, but he didn´t mind. There was an explosion inside his chest, wishing for endless dances with Kuroo, only him. He nudged his sleeve and Kuroo turned, compassion reflecting in his eyes.

The music was loud, too fast and silly, but they twirled and jumped and laughed. Kenma´s laugh meant everything to Kuroo.

It meant he was happy and satisfied.

 

 

Anniversary of Kuroo´s break up and the reunion with Kenma arrived, bringing the proper atmosphere with it. Kuroo was ready to celebrate the good part of that day, but fate had different intentions.

Kenma woke up with the most terrible migraine yet. Nothing was helping, not even a massage, oils, water. Kuroo suggested different activities, but after seeing Kenma´s glance, he was happy looks couldn´t kill.

His migraine was in a full swing for three insufferable days, with Kenma unable to eat, hardly even drink. He just slept, moaned in pain, or endured the inability to be in any position because of the never ending pain. When he felt better, migraine kicked in again.

“Try to put your head on me, it might help,” Kuroo offered, Kenma accepted.

It did help, immensely.

As he tried to sleep, Kuroo played with his hair, caressed his back, tried to do anything to put his mind away from the aching and pulsing of the vein. Why was Kenma the unlucky one, with medicine being unhelpful? So unfair. At least it hasn´t happened as often anymore. Running and enough water really helped to reduce this terrible state of his.

Kenma´s breath got slower, rhythmic, calm.

Kuroo was careful not to move, trying to kiss him lightly. It was dark outside, almost raining. The spreading fog reminded him of Akaashi. Those two were really unlucky with the occurrences of the rain at the most improper times.

He had to say it, he had to get it out his chest one more time. “I wanted to propose to him. I was ready to spend my eternity with him. I know of nothing else. If I decide to marry someone, it is forever.” Kuroo´s voice was almost silent.

But Kenma heard him, Kenma kissed him and Kenma never let him go.

 

 

This time, Kuroo got the chance to join Kenma in the bathtub with his full consent. Kuroo suspected he might like it. He watched every drop falling onto his body, sliding down his hair, the face that struck him with its beauty so many times. His face would be the work of art even if he exchanged bodies with someone.

What Kuroo was seeing so clearly all the time was Kenma´s soul, heart, everything. Kuroo vowed to become the flow of his life, so Kenma would never stumble, never fall, and if it was going to happen anyway, he would be there to catch him.

Kenma got out, his hair sticking to his body, hiding behind them, watching his boyfriend tentatively, with only one look needed to invite Kuroo in.

Kuroo didn´t have to be asked twice.

“If you want,” Kenma whispered right into his ear. “When you get back from work, we can go play.” He looked straight into his eyes. “Would you like to level up?”

Kuroo smiled, giving him one thousand kisses all over his body. “Gladly.”

Hands tracing the outlines of his jaw, lips touching the eyelids with a pure gold hiding behind them. Kenma´s nails scratching Kuroo´s back, leaving marks on the roaring dragon, moaning his name all over again, wishing for this day to never stop, taking all of this into the bedroom, crumpling the sheets under the movements of their bodies, heating up the place with their devotion that had no end in sight. Kuroo looked up at the man´s face on top of him, holding his cheeks, then the long hair tickling him, showing him the secrets of the world with the motions of his body and the notions of the soft words spoken as waves of sea tenderly breaking on the rocks. Kenma leaned into him, palms crawling under his head, under his shoulder blades, making his body tense. He pushed their bodies together, hoping they would become one, at least for a night. Their moans melted with the first sun rays paying them a visit, Kenma falling asleep curled inside of Kuroo´s arms, murmuring in his sleep, thanking every divine being gracing him with the bliss of having this man as a confidant and a partner. This man, Kuroo Tetsurou listened to his words, taking them in, thinking about his own struggles and troubles, being overwhelmed by a gratification he felt for the chance to try this with him, to try a lifelong journey with Kozume Kenma.

 

 

Every struggle was a bit easier, when being together. Wherever they went, Kenma observed one thing. No matter how far they got from each other, or with whom they spoke at the moment, Kuroo had eyes only for Kenma.

He didn´t have to look, they didn´t even need to be in a proximity of each other for couple of hours and Kenma knew, Kenma felt it.

Anything could be happening and Kuroo would be always thinking of Kenma, wearing him everywhere he went, his heart on his sleeve.

They belonged to each other. Completely, Kenma thought.

I never ever want to feel unnoticed by Kuroo Tetsurou again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick thought - there is somewhere a Star Wars reference, which is only a coincidence (the Last Jedi coming out this month), but I can see it so clearly, Kenma would look so good with that hairstyle... 
> 
> Thank you for your time, if you read until this moment, I very much appreciate it!!!


	6. KUROO & KENMA (Epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My love burns for you.

 

They had many days to choose from, but which was to become their real anniversary? Certainly not their first meeting, certainly not a day of their reunion.

In the end, they came to an agreement, which was accompanied by a private celebration with only Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Kai and Bokuto. Kuroo wished for more people to attend, but none of them could. The meeting happened in their new shared apartment in the same building, after some exchanges between the residents. Kageyama and Hinata enjoyed a new roommate Kohinata, while Tsukishima and Yamaguchi got stuck with Miya twins, at least for a while.

Kenma wasn´t very happy, since he got stuck on the third floor. So many stairs… what if the elevator stopped working?

There were many thoughts about inviting other neighbors, but they scrapped it. The ones who stopped by, only to congratulate, were Matsuoka siblings with their partners, Gou with husband Sousuke and Rin with his boyfriends Makoto and Haru. Kuroo was still in awe how these three managed to score each other, but good for them. The last time Kuroo has seen them, it was only Haru and Rin.

“Kozume Kenma, I hereby declare, that I deem you good enough for my bro, so you are allowed to date for many, many more years, until you get married and I will be the first one to cheer you up and…”

“Bo, no more alcohol for you, please.” Kuroo took the glass from him. “Sorry about that, but it´s amazing how articulate he gets when he is under the influence.”

Kenma shook his head. “No, I would like to get to know him better.”

“Ohohoho, you will,” Kuroo warned him.

Unimpressed Tsukishima echoed, “You will.”

“Oooh!” Bokuto squeezed Kenma. “I like him so much. So good for you. Good for yooou!”

Kenma was suffocating. “Uhm… Bokuto, I… breathe…”

Before Kuroo could do anything, Bokuto found another “victim”. “Hinata! My son, how are you?!” He proceeded to squeeze the orange haired man, who didn´t mind at all. “You are so nice… may I keep you?”

Hinata happily nodded. Was he under the influence of alcohol too?

“Sorry about that,” said Kuroo and Kageyama at once.

“This doesn´t concern me, so I don´t really care.” Kenma said with his arms in the air.

Yamaguchi laughed. “Yeah, you are nice. Good for him, he needs it.”

“Hey!” Kuroo raised his voice in a friendly manner. “I am here and I can hear you and what am I? A child for babysitting?”

“Yes,” Tsukishima said without hesitation, the corners of his lips shaking.

Kuroo looked to Kenma for support. “You heard the man,” Kenma snorted.

“Daaamn, honey, even you?”

The celebration was getting late, people leaving one by one, when Kuroo said, loud and clear: “I love you.”

Kenma watched him warily. Did he drink too much? Wasn´t it too soon?

“I am not drunk, Kenma.”

There was no hesitation on his part. It wasn´t there for a very long time. “I love you too, Kuro.”

“You can call me by…”

Kenma stood as close to him as he could, pulling him down by his vest. “You are a work of art. And I will remind you of that until the end of time.” They kissed, they made love, they became lovers, they became partners.

“I don´t know what I would do if you ever left me,” Kuroo mumbled into his hair, laying naked in their bed, side by side, skin on skin, eye to eye. “Not because I am dependent on other people. Just… my heart wouldn´t survive. It had enough for a whole lifetime.”

Kenma was quiet, contemplating.

“Are you happy, Kenma? Are you happy with me?”

“The happiest.”

 

 

Another year has passed, another anniversary came.

Kuroo played with Kenma´s hair, falling down right to his hips, persistent in his decision not cutting it. His resistance to change his hairstyle resulted in two buns on the sides, resembling princess Leia from Star Wars.

“Are you kidding me?” Kenma asked in disbelief.

“No.” Kuroo grinned. “You look stunning. Ah, do you remember that time you dyed your hair blonde? That was cute.”

Kenma frowned. “Maybe I would do it again. At least the ends, it might look interesting.”

Kuroo kissed the top of his head. “You don´t have to change anything.”

“I know. Now, get this off.”

“Never.”

Kenma jumped him, ready to never admit out loud how much he loved the current creation on his head.

 

 

This time, they celebrated by taking the walk to their favorite meadow. Cherry blossoms were still blooming, their petals falling all around them like a snow.

Kuroo noticed how many of them stuck onto Kenma´s hair. He tried to brush them off, Kenma stopped him. “Leave them.”

“Why don´t you cut it?” Kuroo was curious, Kenma wasn´t very fond of the time it took to care for it. It was different with Kuroo in the picture, it became his job now, but before…

Kenma took one of the strands, examining it carefully. “I haven´t cut them since that night I met you again. They are my good luck.”

Kuroo didn´t need to hear anymore. They kissed, expressing all the emotions through the passion.

“Marry me,” Kenma said in a hushed voice.

“Anytime,” Kuroo answered, without a hint of surprise. “But do I deserve you?”

“You, Kuroo Tetsurou, deserve everything this world has to offer. Marry me.”

“Anytime.”

And so they did.

They became husbands in a matter of three days and five hours, with Hinata and Bokuto as witnesses.

“You are a work of art,” Kenma said, his hands held in Kuroo´s palms. “You are my work of art.”

 

* * *

 

 

Did you find it?

Good.

Now cherish it and live it.

We leave a part of us with everyone we meet.

We keep a piece from people that influence us.

Good or bad,

Right or wrong,

It stays with us, it gets us going.

Which is it, that is up to us.

But we look, we hope and, we trust,

Because in the end,

When all is said and all is done,

We got nothing else left.

Just ourselves,

Big ME,

And if we are lucky and we try,

ME can be joined by WE,

US, You and me.

So… I am asking one more time.

Did you find it?

Did you find yourself?

Did you welcome someone else?

Either alone,

Either in doubles,

We are like flowers,

Like the stars shining.

As the flowers bloom,

Let us bloom with them.

And the love we make,

That´s all here so we may cherish them.

Did you find it?

No?

Don´t stop.

Did you find it?

Yes.

Then go and love.

 

* * *

 

 

They were laying in the meadow, covered by colorful flowers, fitting as one perfectly. The puzzle pieces couldn´t belong together better than the two of them did.

The world was there for them to conquer.

Kuroo & Kenma settled in the meadow filled with flowers in a full blossom, Kenma singing sotto voce, Kuroo weaving a dandelion crowns, adorning them both as kings of their private universe.

My love burns for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the beginning of their life together :) Epilogue was short, but I feel it´s enough for this journey of theirs. They got to the place where they need to be.
> 
> Once more, thank you, kudos and comments are always welcomed, I don´t bite :D 
> 
> Take care, have a nice day, go and win at the life today and everyday :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for your time, I can´t for you to read the rest, I loved writing the next chapters with all my heart, becuase... well, Kuroo and Kenma :D Kudos and comment always appreciated! Have a nice day :*
> 
> I am publishing all the chapters at once, so yay :D


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